I call myself a cat. Though latley I've been honest with myself and a lot of time I don't actually want companion ship outside some close personal favorites. However if you want more personal favorites you have to mingle with new.

I force myself to socialize because I'm human and its good for me. Despite suffering from social anxiety and agoraphobia. I at least get to blame it on the fact that growing up I basically was raised alone and isolated. Outside of school (where I had little to no friends for most of it and was bullied relentlessly)

Honestly given everything I'm actually very proud of myself for pushing for a society that I actively struggle with because I know its better then the hell I've put up with. I'm also fairly active in the local scene (though not as much as I would like lately because of my health) and constantly pushing my boundaries. Younger me would not recognize me for several reasons. So I tend to give myself some slack in this area since as I mentioned I was socialized to be a cat.

I love socialising and being around people but I'm also super insecure about how people see me and about being rejected and being around people takes so much energy for me. I need to be alone to recharge. I also lack the ability to maintain relationships because the everyday grind takes all my attention.

No (genuinly dont know how to even find people to interact with)

I think I'm pretty good at predicting which gatherings I will enjoy and which will just be tiring. Of course I often don't act on that knowledge because I don't want to be rude.

I desire interpersonal connection and I really like most people but I shut down when I get close to people which is why I have a diagnosed personality disorder

I think hexbear has some video streaming thing that people did live chat in (not tankie tube), but I don't know what happened to it. It seems that there is a rather large amount of people here who all want to talk to other people who aren't chuds, the obvious solution is that we could talk to each other. While text chat is fun (and more anonymous), voice chat is more personal and easier to connect with other people over.

I relate. I'm desperate for affection but the process of eventually being affectionate with others is so, so exhausting. I wish I was like everyone else, making friends easily, falling in love on whim without awkardness, etc.

I do feel this deeply. It's why I always just seek very low-pressure, chill situations where there's never an expectation but just like.. if we feel like it.

Sadly, I think modern-living atomisation and attitudes are quite anathema to that dynamic. If you're not committing to your real-life friendship (and haven't been friends for years already) then it just falls apart because you'll never naturally run into them like we would've in ye olden times.

My best ongoing social successes have been local walking/hobby groups FWIW. You get the low-expectation dynamic without having to put in lots of anxious effort.

I can only speak for myself.

I’m coming to the conclusion that I just don’t like most people. It’s hard to find real ones, and when I do, I get extremely anxious about not fucking it up, to a counterproductive and avoidant degree (they can’t learn to dislike me if I never subject them to me).

Inside me are two wolves: the desperate people pleaser, and the bitter sectarian. Their conflict produces an infinite amount of anxiety.

Yes lol. And moving out on my own hasn't made it much better. If anything its made my desire for connection stronger. Yet, especially for the past year, I just dont feel like I don't have th energy for it.

So I'll have days where I'm at home where I'm just thinking 'wow it sure is lonely here'. Then go out, say to work, and even though I generally get along with my coworkers, just feel absolutely burned out after a day of interacting with them and want nothing more than to isolate myself all over again.

I don't know about you but I am mostly surrounded by chauvinist treatlerites who view learning other languages or cultures as a threat to their insular world of jingoistic white supremacy

Sometimes I feel suffocated by being around others for a while, but also like I desperately want to be with other people. Yeah, it's just really difficult sometimes, but know that you're not alone in feeling this.

Yeah and how stupid is that. Like a bird that feels pain from flying. Fucking ridiculous.

Grass is always greener, and all that...

If you're unhappy regardless of the situation then the situation isn't the problem. You're caught in the chase of something in the hope that it'll be thing to "fix" whatever funk you're in now. But once you get it and the high wears off, you're back to where you started. So you get caught up in the next thing constantly trying to shake that existential dread creeping into your mind whenever you sit still.

If you, yes you reading this sentence, can't close your eyes and feel some genuine peace or contentment, then nothing you ever do will be enough.

Sorta but I have become gradually more comfortable with who I am as I've gotten older. I still have flights of yearning and existential dread but they don't feel so consuming as before.

Yes. Same. That's so me bestie etc etc