SockOlm [she/her]
traaaaaaannnnnnnnnnsThis week's topic is quite programming heavy, sorry to all non programmers
::: spoiler yap
LISP stands for LISt Processing and was invented by John McCarthy, who was looking computation with symbols and recursive functions in the 1960s.
John McCarthy was the son of immigrant Communists (members of the CPUSA), but after witnessing the failed counter-revolution in Prague in 1968, he himself became a Republican .
A Lisp program consist of a few basic building blocks:
- Symbols - basically text without whitespace, for example:
+,hello123,if,nil, etc. - Numbers, Strings, etc.
- Cons cells - a Pair, denoted as
(cons 1 2)or dotted(1 . 2) - Lists - a linked list of Cons cells with the final element being the symbol
nil.(list 1 2 3)is the same as(1 . (2 . (3 . nil))).
As you may have noticed, cons and list are inside the parentheses, thats because a function call like f(x,y) is written instead as (f x y). This is called a Symbolic expression and all Lisp code looks like this.
(+ 1 (* 2 3) 4)
;; multiply 2 times 3 => (+ 1 6 4)
;; add 1 6 and 4 => 11
;; the names 'car' and 'cdr' are ancient relics from some assembly instructions
;; basically first and second element of a cons cell
;; or head and tail of a list
(car (cons 1 2)) ;; => 1
(cdr (cons 1 2)) ;; => 2
This in turn means that any code can be turned into a list, so that it can be modified like data. I think thats quite neat and unique among programming languages (it even has a fancy word: this property is called homoiconicity).
Functions that operate on code are called macros.
;; generate a function 'name' that adds 'value' to the input
(defmacro defun-adder (name value)
(list 'defun name (list 'x) (list '+ 'x value)))
(defun-adder plus5 5)
;; define the function plus5(x) as x + 5
;; => (defun plus5 (x) (+ x 5)))
(plus5 10) ;; => 15
To make sure the interpreter does not try to evaluate a symbol, it needs to be "quoted".
Since this comes up quite often, it gets the shortcut of ' at the beginning.
Theyre much nicer to work with than for example macros in C:
#define PI 3.14159265
this C macro just searches and replaces the string PI in the C source code before compilation and theres lots of ways to mess up, for example
#define DOUBLE(x) x + x
if x is a function call that does something else, like printing,
then that message will appear twice.
Operator prescedence is also not considered: DOUBLE(1) * 3 will expand to 1 + 1 * 3, so 4 not 6 like one would expect.
The last thing I want to yap about is Lisp1 vs Lisp2. This refers to the amount of namespaces any programming language has. if functions and variables are allowed have same names, then there needs to be a namespace for each.
for example in CL:
(defvar x 1)
(defun x () (+ 1 1))
x ;; variable => 1
(x) ;; function call => 2
is perfectly fine, while in other languages like Python or C or Scheme this wouldnt work.
Shoutout to respected comrades lilypad and sodium_nitride who are also true Lisp patriots.
:::
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As a reminder, please do not discuss current struggle sessions in the mega. We want this to be a little oasis for all of us and the best way to do that is not to feed into existing conflict on the site. Also, be sure to properly give content warnings and put sensitive subjects behind proper spoiler tags. It's for the mental health of not just your comrades, but yourself as well.
Here is a screenshot of where to find the spoiler button.
::: spoiler spoiler
:::
I should be allowed to kill and eat people. Nom nom nom
i am always saying this
In minecraft,
Eggy is building magic fairy forest
I built a strategic bombardment facility in the sky dropping creeper bombs (on our own infrastructure) as well as a slaughter house/animal pen
I shluld note that I did not intend for that mob spawner to be either a bombing facility or for it to bomb our infrastructure.
The bomb factory is right above the slaughter house too. Its like one change away from being a two for one.
pic of the main tree I worked on, I also started filling out the rest of the forest. Its coming along but doesn't quite have the magical feel I want. The filling out is mostly behind this tree and to the left but I didnt grab a ton of pics for you gays, sorry.
"playing new patch of darktide with wife" has turned into "me spending two hours redoing all of my builds"
oooh new darktide, maybe that will get me away from models. what’s your class of choice?
i have,,, a lot of time in all of them ^_^;
ogryn is probably my least favourite, and my worst classes are probably psyker and hive scum
i've got the most time in veteran and zealot but my best class play wise is probably skitarii
Show idea: Diesel and Damsel
Hypohypertension
When you take medication to increase blood pressure as well as medicine to decrease it, both at the same time, your body takes a screenshot.
::: spoiler Yes this is 100% how it works. It actually depends on the types of medication and the way they achieve their designated effects (pharmacodynamics) since there are many types of blood pressure medication. If the two drugs interact in certain ways, you get a neat surprise. They even might put your picture on a stone. :::
I'm having so much anxiety over tests
A lot of people do, its part of why some institutions are trying to move away from them entirely. It may be worth your time to see if you can get some form of accomodations. Taking a test in an alternate location and/or with extended time can make a huge difference for testing ainxiety.
Damn I fucking wish.
Thinking about it later, for today's test that wouldn't be possible
Yeah, usually an institutions office of accessibility need at least week or so of prior notice before a test. Good luck! Im rooting for you!
That's not what I meant. Today I had a practical anatomy test and you have 1 minute per table/question. This is just not feasible for me and I don't think they can do much because of time reasons. Everyone has to do it together and synchronized.
I'm not even in school, haven't been for a while, and had a nightmare last night of being in a class room and given a quiz and not having barely any time and everyone could finish and I could barely even read the questions in time
I also semi-regularly have nightmares about missing an important test or similar stuff. Tests and school are terrifying.
Whats funny is that the school dreams stop if you go back to school.
Doesn't help at all, makes me get stuff I knew wrong
Also doesn't help that it was the pratical anatomy exam and we had 1 minute to answer the stuff
Oops, I let the bad thoughts take over when posting last night. Cringe. It will happen again.
your weekly reminder that minis MUST be painted in pink and blue. these aren’t totally done but i want to show off
yes they’re all girls (pre and post transition) (the imperium funds it so they don’t lose out on all trans people going to chaos for body mods)
the imperium funds it so they don’t lose out on all trans people going to chaos for body mods)
hold up. based imperium???
the girlies are looking goood
look they need as many bodies as they can get, it’s purely practical. big E never said shit about gender
nah i'm pretty sure the documentary "What If the Emperor Had a Text-To-Speech" told us that the Emperor considered girls to be "icky"
just another reason why the FALGSC of the eldar is superior to the mon-keigh fascist nonsense
oh no i forgot the sacred texts, thanks for reminding me to revisit for memorization
turns out my dad will adjust his behavior (misgendering/deadnaming after being out for almost a year), IF i embarrass him by loudly correcting him in front of his peers/family. therapist-approved manipulation
imagine being worse at respecting your child than a 90-year old demented (medically not derogatorily) republican man
On a programming note, I'm making a custom build system in CL, and UIOP exposes CHDIR! Yay! Then I realize its plain old chdir(2) and is process wide, not thread local. There go my plans for parallelizing builds, now I gotta make my own directory tracking thing, find some way to chdir without chdiring the whole process, and probably end up making something that has to be implementation specific. Damn. At least uiop:launch-program accepts a directory keyword, so external processes can be launched correctly without chdiring the whole process, but I have things I want to do in process that require the correct cwd....
just started painting my guardian squad, it's very meditative, kills my neck tho
i’m loooooving working on my guard but i’m so worried about my back/neck/posture
this guy has nice videos about posture. i mostly try to do that daily. i should really get back to yoga tho
I found a YouTube link in your comment. Here are links to the same video on alternative frontends that protect your privacy:
welcome back, my love
::: spoiler content warning
::: spoiler weight
I yearn for liposuction. Not a good thing to yearn for, but it would make such a big difference to my self-image.
:::
::: spoiler spoiler mood, i've lost 30kg before but even starting now seems insurmountable.
funnily enough i like how fat looks on other people. i just can't stand it on me. :::
Productive morning. Took care of some important tasks. Only problem is that my blanket is wet from an improper drying cycle.
::: spoiler Been trying to find the way to explain this in words about liberals and separating gender/sex from sexuality (CW transphobia) So obviously sexuality and gender/sex are different things, but they're ALSO extremely connected things, like I don't know the same phenomena but from an orthogonal angle.
Shitlibs, TERFs, LGB without the T reactionary queers etc will often try to establish "gay rights" as being a completely unconnected issue to "trans rights". But in a weird way I think the transphobic reactionary who simply says "T-slurs are all f-slurs" kind of acurately describes the phenomena (from a shitty you-do-not-have-to-hand-it-to-them-POV).
As I mentioned earlier in the chat, many transfeminine theorists posit transmisogyny as the synthesis of homophobia (gays who can be beaten) and misogyny (women who can be SA-ed). There is also overlaps with lesbophobia in the way both lesbians and trans women have been talked about invading women's spaces.
The mechanisms that oppress trans men transandrophobia and/or transemasculation also have overlap with homophobia (removing masculinity from people who don't met masculine standards), lesbophobia (some of the incorrectly assumed stuff about being lesbian or trans because of trauma) and misogyny too (treating trans men like women)
And like we know this. We know reactionaries aren't stopping at trans people. But also that most trans people ARE gay people (or perceived as gay people). We know a non-passing heterosexual trans woman and the men who date her are treated like homosexual men. TERFs try to make trans lesbians out to be perverted straight men, but like I know when I'm in public with my also transfeminine girlfriend, people look at us like a pair of homosexual men. Not the lesbians we actually are or two deluded straight men like some TERFs try to suggest.
So not really sure where to end this, compulsory cisheterosexuality is a fuck. :::
Jules Gill-Peterson talks about this in a short history of trans misogyny as well. Race, sex/gender, and sexuality are all co-constructed and inextricable from each other. There is a separate effortpost or manifesto or something in here too.
Definitely I didn't raise it but misogynoir intersects with transmisogyny in how black women are treated as masculine (fuck the way reactionaries talked about Michelle Obama). Black trans women it's far worse (transmisogynoir).
Likewise south-east asian men are often denied masculinity or mocked for not being masculine enough. (I remember so many small penis jokes through my teen years).
Also the way disabled women and men are degendered. We always say "disabled people" or a "disabled person". And of course the only time we readily accept a unisex toilet is fur the disabled.
I'm slowly picking away at an effortpost about this. I like Talia Bhatt (of RCBG fame) for a comparably accessible description of the phenomenon you're describing. I would write more but I don't have time!
I just read her first article and wow. It's fucking eery how similar it felt to me despite being from such a different background. On a semi-related note, death to men! Yes, all men!
yeah that’s how i felt about trans/rad/fem too. really masterful
I'm definitely a fan of Talia's work.
I guess to put on my inner Michael Kirkbride I'd say that Gender and Sexuality are umbilical mirror twins, impossible to exist or be defined without the other, the same yet inverted.
I had the most pleasantly suprising counseling appointment today. He was quite young and still in training to become a clinical psychologist so our session was recorded... which didn't bother me as much as I would have thought.
but like he was a cishet white dude who like... actually made me feel seen and heard as a transgender woman. Hes done his research and he didnt do that "oh well because of my privlege I could never really know" cop out bullshit. The look of genuine empathy on his face when I told him I had spent 13 years in the closet was extremely suprising, in a good way.
I got to talk about a lot and I think that I've really been going through a lot recently.
Is it bad that he initally wanted to start me on weekly appointments?
Addendum:
removed on account of morning-after cringe
Is it bad that he initally wanted to start me on weekly appointments?
I think this is fairly typical?
I've heard its an indicator that the practitioner sees the paitent as needing more help than usual.
an hour once a week is far from intensive... but my perspective is pretty skewed because i only know mentally ill people and I've personally done hundreds of hours of intensive therapy over the last few years. most importantly it isn't bad or shameful to need any level of help!
where i live the truly intense therapy is twice a week (and also isnt fully covered by the public healthcare and ends up costing 130€ a pop on the cheap side) and daily if you go to the psych ward.
once a week is standard
i've been itching to start painting the minis, it's very zen and scratches a special itch in my brain
Finally shaved my beard. I feel...okay? My face could be better, but it doesn't fill me with despair or any strong negative feelings. What makes me feel less okay is my mom's first reaction was to say I look like my birth father. Him being a horrible person aside, I don't think it's unreasonable to say that if the first thing out of your mouth when supporting a trans woman to tell her she looks like a man, you're doing a poor job of being supportive.
::: spoiler Personal drama Hopefully I'm just getting too in my own head, but I'm stuck worrying she's being performative rather than truly supportive. When I came out her telling me she supports me was immediately followed by asking me to borrow money. I lent it to her under the agreement that we'd go through all the streaming services she's paying for and whatever else she's subscribed to and cancel whatever isn't being used. That still hasn't happened. When I asked to look at her rings she spent several minutes looking for them because she didn't know where they were and then told me I can't have any of them. After she told me I looked like my dad, she used my dead name several times when trying to comfort me and didn't use my chosen name once. She barely ever refers to be as a girl (partially for safety reasons, but still). The subscription agreement we made came up and she screamed over me when I suggested piracy or canceling all but one and rotating every month and then she stormed off. :::
::: spoiler spoiler
A performative person will only respect your boundaries for as long as you are strictly enforcing them.
:::
oof, you're out to her? Kill her with hammers tbh
::: spoiler spoiler call me a pessimist but I literally don't see how this is even performatively supportive :::
My dumbass just remembered my cousin has a wedding in like a week and I won't be able to make it and I forgot to text him that. I really really need to start leaving notes around my house so I don't forget holy shit
What should I be doing?
Create an account on ao3
Experimenting with food and code
Napping.
ⓘ This user is suspected of being a cat. Please report any suspicious behavior.
a lot of people like soup, and it's getting to be soup season. maybe you should be eating soup??
reading what is to be done by lenin
or eating food, eating is important, also sleeping
what should you be doing in regards to what? :::P
I have a "guy" friend who I'm increasingly positive is an egg. I kinda want to incubate her, but am unsure how to do it when basically all of our interactions are through the discord set up for the "bros". I'm afraid insinuating things too publicly may get the cis friends on her case, and I'm also afraid of outing myself.
you could just dm them and be like "hey have you considered you might be trans"
dont gotta be pushy about it or anything obviously, but briefly annoying a cis person is a fine price to pay to help rescue someone from the suicidal death spiral that is trans denial
I'm pretty worried that she won't listen, that I'll out myself to her, and she'll repeat it to the other moid friends long before I'm ready to come out. I kinda want to ghost the whole friend group tbh, these are the kind of people who still call everything bad gay (derogatory) and r-slurred -- and they never even stopped doing that back during woke 1. I feel obligated to offer her a lifeline, but I'm not sure how to do that without outing myself to the whole friend group when I'm still extremely early in my transition and boymoding full time.
Did my injection today. Two days late. But. I did it.
Mine was also two days late this last time, what is going on
2 day late virus be spreading roung these parts
Just did my first estrogen injection! This trans mega is awesome a month ago I made a post in the mega about how I couldn't get crypto and someone who lurks here helped me and I placed an order with one of the more reputable vendors and sadly it never came :( but thankfully I figured out how to get crypto and bought it through a different vendor and my hrt arrived in the mail today!
I finally got hrt :3
(Edit: Today I have consumed hrt for the first time :3)
omg congrats :33
Yay!
Let's go congrats!
yippee
Congrats! its good stuff
I'm sorry, but I lost it at macros, got any good source for learning lisp?
For emacs lisp, nice and simple: https://www.lisperati.com/casting-spels-emacs/html/casting-spels-emacs-1.html
For common lisp: https://github.com/thephoeron/llthw
Theres tons of other books. Practical common lisp is a good one, very good one.
You know how during a Roman triumph there would be someone behind the general whispering "Remember you are mortal" in their ear the whole time?
::: spoiler feeling bad about gender, being whiny I feel like I need something like that to constantly remind myself that I'm not a man and never have been. So far it's been taking active brainpower and effort to remember that and I'm sick of it. I keep finding myself trying to relate to or explain the actions/thoughts of a group of people I've never been a part of.
Normally it's just annoying or frustrating, but sometimes it makes me feel like I can't even convince myself of who I really am without having to think through it every single time. I know (or hope to god at least) that it'll get easier with time and practice, but it can really make me feel like shit sometimes when I catch myself doing it :::
::: spoiler I think it would be like this Memento mulier est :::
Unfortunately I'm not that either And I don't know enough Latin to figure out a correct gender neutral expression
::: spoiler spoiler Though it really doesn't bother me if people think/call me a woman necessarily, it is just very much not something I identify with or claim. I do appreciate the inclusion though, and it beats being lumped in with men for sure :::
::: spoiler spoiler Ah, I'm sorry I read "not a man" and kinda assumed, didn't even look at your pronouns. Yeah, Latin probably wouldn't work then :::
::: spoiler spoiler No worries at all! I really don't mind, especially when it's coming from extremely nice and helpful queer people. And if I had to pick a form of address in Latin it is probably what I'd go with :::
Shoutout to respected comrades lilypad and sodium_nitride who are also true Lisp patriots.
Thank you thank you, I wish I could share my projects here, ive made some really cool stuff but it would dox me. I even had a situation where building stuff around #'change-class was the correct choice and I got to use that incredibly powerful functionality. I'm so proud of some of the stuff ive made, but I can't share it and it makes me sad.
Common lisp is a terrible programming language, full of problems. Its just that its miles ahead of all the other ones.
::: spoiler horny
:::
I'm imagining a biblically accurate angel
: BE NOT AFRAID!
Me: ooh can I rub your halo?
: ok, maybe be a little bit more afraid
So many trans authors have discussed that transmisogyny is the intersection or synthesis of misogyny and homophobia. And I've been reflecting that I think there's an interesting opposing force that many of the cis women in my life treat me positively both as a woman and like a gay best friend.
It's both held at the same time, it's not a good force, but it's a benevolent one. I get empathy and respect as a woman, but also my love life, my expressions, my vibe in general still provokes entertainment and delight in the way a gay male friends would. I think it's interesting.
if women treat me like a gay best friend I'm putting them in my note
I guess the interesting thing I'm saying is lots treat me as BOTH things. They hold the two contradictory things at once, which initially caused me a lot of confusion, but now I'm kind of fine with, as they're still treating me as a woman and my love life stories are way sexier, cooler and funnier than their cishet ones.
And if you say "Looking c*nty diva!" it makes their day, and I love making a woman's day. I love my fellow women.
There are the few that just treat me just as a gay man and that sucks, and the rare ones see me just as a woman which is cool and they are my very closest friends.
If I didn't find pain to be enjoyable I don't know how far I would've gotten.
Unfortunately I have quite selective taste in pain
People need to just like what they like
Miss my gf and have had to keep myself from thinking too much a few times already. Please let this not be a rough night.
screams
Drinking from a bottle of sambuca on a Monday the day before I have to get up early and monitor a deploy for my B2B SaaS job #onlygoodlifedecisions
everything sucks and i want to die but monster hunter 2027 so we persevere
Tall trans women save me
I may be 6'4"/195cm, and I may be wearing 10cm heels, but only you can save you. I can however get the life preserver off the top of the fridge for you.
Woah we're the same height!
okay that's awesome ngl, wish i had that kind of confidence
Save me
Damn, I would need 20cm heels to be roughly on par with your height (in your 10cm heels)
...so youre gonna get 20cm heels now yea? Some fuckoff tall platforms? Doitdoit dont make me be this tall all alone! Besides, every transfemme looks amazing in heels no matter how tall
(I already have some. They're for pole dancing.)
Oh wau, NGL I wish I had the confidence to do that (tho even if I did im pretty sure every joint in my body would try to jump out its socket if I tried)
i lost my tall card when i shrunk below 6ft, but i'll put in a good word with my former comrades
Need the top of the fridge cleaned or do you just need somebody to look up at for a while?
Alright, what do you need off that shelf you can't reach?
How tall? I'm 6ft/182cm
Consing John malkovitch.
(defvar malkovitch! #1=(cons 'malkovitch! #1#))
(let ((malkovitch? malkovitch!))
(loop while malkovitch?
do (setf malkovitch? (cdr malkovitch?))))
i dont think theres anything better in the world than waking up with my wife
certified wifeguy, im pretty sure marx said this was praxis
I'm a wifeguy in training atm. Moving in with future wife soon and hoping to make her present wife within a few years.
I thought I was a wife guy, until my partner transitioned. And then way later I realized I was also nonbinary. And now we're both just spouse people (?) lol
I should clarify that I'm a wifeguy using "guy" in a non-gendered way. My partner is a trans woman and I'm NB transfem.
I thought so, I was just trying to joke about my own situation and the way talking about it can sound more complicated than it needs to be. I could have picked a better context to do so, I didn't intend to project on your relationship or how you refer to yourself
::: spoiler cw:genocide (not of trans people)
Reverend insanity's premise of a guy using buddhist/daoist logic to justify slavery and genocide is funny until you realise that irl buddhist priests have literally done the same thing against the Rohingya people.
At the end of the day, buddhism is a real object and not some sort of exotic mystical thing. Real life is always messy and complicated.
:::
I have permanently damaged my brain with gender repression and autistic masking.
same
Real. Throw in the depression years from the former and I may never recover
Got told its starting to be weird to refer to me by my name since I never changed. I figured I'd worry about name until it got to that point. Took over 2 years of HRT to get to this point, but I suppose I should worry more about job security now (being in such a stupid state doesn't help).
It's official
I really genuinely fucking resent my parents and cannot stand talking to them at all
This was the natural end point of being in the closet for so long and there is no reconciliation. I refuse to even allow reconciliation to happen. I don't care if it is possible for them to change in the future or what, but I do not forgive them and that's my choice.
New mega, now I have to make a bunch more posts to have any hope of trans people in my replies
hi it's me, John Transgender
Henlo
Good evening Eggy
Evening Switchy!
trans people? in your replies?
...it's more likely than you think!
hiyaaa
reporting for duty
So glad to see so many of you :cat-trans:
i'm also a trans person in your replies
I feel like I've known you for ages
at least a few years, cutie
Im a trans person in your replies
Hiii very nice to see you in my replies trans person big fan of seeing you around
Big fan of being around. Seriously, this place helps my mental health so much, just by having community.
:))))))))))))))))
down with cis
down 👇 with 👭 cis 👹
down🔻with 👩❤️💋👩 cis 👹
(with (entity 'cis)
(decf entity most-negative-fixnum))
First off, I'm sorry you have to be under so much stress girl
::: spoiler spoiler I know you don't want to hear it but you are being too harsh on yourself, your roommates fucked up, not you. If this is so important to them, they should have read it after you to make sure everything is in order. Not only that but this "I hate dogs" attitude is just bullshit, I understand not liking dogs, but refusing someone because they have one, that is trained even, is just super shitty of them, they are more worried about their own preferences then the life of another person, specially when that person is trans and in a place of vulnerability.
I do think you should follow up with her, tell her about what happened, apologize if you feel that's something you should do and offer to look into some place to share, she might be inclined to take your offer both because you are worried and show empathy towards her and because you too are trans. Worst case scenario she says no, which means your situation stays the same, if she says yes this gives you the possibility of moving out from these people who are being shitty.
I totally get the black and white thinking, I fall into that too when I'm super stressed, in these times it's always good to ask for an outsider's perspective like you did here and to writ it all down and to try and make sense of it in a more rational way.
I hope things go well for you, this is a super shitty situation you should not have been put in, your feelings are not wrong, these people are being shitty.
And I totally get this rage and feeling like you are a spineless coward, I feel the same way in a lot of situations, but being hard on oneself about it doesn't fix the issue, only makes you feel even worse, just the fact you want to reach out to that girl is proof enough that you are not a coward, but rather was put on a shitty position to begin with. It's like you said, you could have read it thoroughly before, but it didn't happen, the problem is still not you tho, but your roommates that are being unreasonable to begin with. :::
I know what it feels like to enable people's privileged bullshit and hate yourself for it. I don't know what to do to make it right, but I know that letting self hate consume you will only paralyze you and make it harder to do the right thing in the future.
what if we had 20 traa pins on the front page and nothing else
down(to the second page) with cis
Good idea, except then the reading group couldn't be pinned :/
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trans reading group
I will hopefully do a reading group for some trans book in the future.
Edit: No idea which one though.
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Make it just traa pins and reading group pins then!
Yak, somewhere in China
so pretty
looks like some cool nature god that would give you the greatest quest of your life in a video gaem
fancy yak
Someone called?
gender-affirming sleeping disorder
Mayo clinic lol
so true
hello
hiiiiiiiiiii
Hi hi hi
I reeeaaally need new clothes. My jeans are super tight, it's bothering me
Injection done (like 10h ago) but just to remind you on the new thread
I did mine after waking up early today, forgot i was due yesterday.
