velmaTwo-thirds of straight women and one-third of straight men are unwilling to date a bisexual person of the opposite sex, according to a YouGov poll published today, during Bisexuality Visibility Week. The poll illustrates how lingering stereotypes negatively affect people’s impressions of bisexual individuals.
The poll — which surveyed 5,983 Britons during late March, including 2,031 straight women and 1,517 straight men — found that 48% of all respondents had positive views of bisexual people and only 8% had negative views. The remaining percentage had neither a positive nor a negative view of bisexuals.
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When the survey asked straight women and men why they were unwilling to date a bisexual person of the opposite sex, most (16% and 19%, respectively) said they “just don’t” or claimed, “It’s just a preference.”
A nearly similar portion, 17% of straight women and 16% of straight men, said they felt like bi people are more inclined to cheat, or that they themselves would feel insecure that they’d be unable to provide a bi partner whatever they get from a same-sex partner.
Interestingly, 9% of straight women said they feel disgust or discomfort towards men with same-sex experiences, 8% worried about possible sexual health risks, and 10% of straight men said they considered bisexuality to be either religiously or morally “wrong.” Approximately 12-13% of all straight respondents said they just wanted their dating partner to be heterosexual.
It's nice when the trash sorts itself though.
This is especially interesting when you consider that a lot of people are on the bi spectrum. Straights who think gays can "choose" to be straight? Mkay, keep telling us how you're choosing to ignore that your gay desires.
This is probably one of the reasons for that. If you're 90% hetero why "taint" yourself by experimenting if that's going to limit your dating pool for the gender you're more interested in.
I never understood the bi hate. Even before I ever met a bi person, it seemed easy to understand - they're sexually attracted to either gender. Whether or not someone is a cheater type is completely separate and has nothing to do with it.
Maybe its insecurity wrapoed uo with thinking sex is the main driver in a relationship, and thinking a partner could have twice as many options that aren't you makes them feel even worse. I dunno.
For real. It's like saying people who like all hair colours are gonna cheat because their partner has only one hair colour. It's just not how that works.
—A poly bi woman
(Joke comment.) If I count facial hair, I have several hair colours. I won't be cheted on by my partn... oh, I'm the bi poly one in the couple, and she only has one colour. (Or two, because of our age.) Shit I'm essetially condemned to cheat on her with a rainbow wig. (End of the joke.)
Yeah, and strangely none among the cheaters and the cheating apologists I personnally know claimed to be anything other than mono cishet. Strange (sarcasm) how direspectful and harmful behaviour linked to an expression of power are most seem in the dominant group.
I like all genders and all body types and skin/hair colors. Never cheated.
Where's my parade?
If only Neo could have seen Morpheus in his early days.
What they worried they're gonna cheat on them or something? A straight guy could do that too
My friend's bi wife said that she had trouble explaining to an ex boyfriend that at some point she's gonna want to have a side chick because she wants both flavours
So I suspect there's a modicum of truth in some bi people needing more than one partner, which in a monogamous relationship is a no-go usually
At the same time, there's so much cheating going on everywhere and I don't think there's any correlation between that and sexuality
Some bisexual people are poly and some are mono. Some straight people are poly and some are mono. It has nothing to do with their sexual orientation.
I'm a straight woman who very briefly dated a bi guy. I never cared. It felt like none of my business who he had been with before me. He was an absolute sweetheart, and I miss him dearly.
@lonefighter @velma
"It felt like none of my business who he had been with before me."
True, that's private stuff. Only parts of it that may be important to share are those that will objectively impact the relationship. (Stalker ex, for example.)
Also to add for others, being bi does not mean having a sexual history with partners of at least two genders. It does not even mean having any sexual history at all.
I felt compelled to add this to account for bi erasure.
Really salient points, thank you!
What happen to him?
I was dealing with some mental health struggles and really horrible life events and he tried to be there for me but I ended up inadvertently taking things out on him and he quite justifiably ended things. I apologized, he forgave me, we still text every few months and are on friendly terms, but that bridge is burned forever and I'm still low key heartbroken about it because he is a good dude.
Sorry to hear that, was just glad to know he still with us.
Having a friend like that is a blessing.
Straight guy here from /all. Unfortunately, a big chunk of my cohort will have responded favorably because they are dreaming of a female partner that will gift them a threesome.
And they, too, are engaging in biphobia with that logic.
I thought the whole point of this last decade+ is that people should take what they can get.
Oh wait, I forgot about the homophobic propaganda.
would downvote if i could. there's no evidence that "homophobic propaganda" makes up for the people who don't want a bi partner. i'm pretty sure that people can have their own opinions and feelings without having to attribute everything to propaganda.
Their personal preferences are rooted in homophobia whether they're conscious of it or not if they refuse to date someone because of that person's sexual orientation.
Bisexual people are not different from straight people in any meaningful sense when it comes to monogamous relationships.
Bi people are some of the coolest people I know. Their loss, more for us.
<3
Any bisexual man knows this. Painfully.
something about the numbers didn't make sense, until
The survey also included 824 gay men, 349 lesbian women, 396 bisexual men, and 866 bisexual women, and asked them about their willingness to date a bisexual person matching their preferred gender.
::: spoiler Sorry your sample sizes are extremely skewed, I will read this as ptooey.
wanted to comment on monogamists, seeing as Maeve🧵 proved some folks do have polyphobia, but the sample sizes are too weird to account any real conclusions, I won't.
:::
But the numbers are almost same order of magnitude, is it really that bad?
No. Liberal arts majors say all kinds of dumb shit about sample sizes.
I remember when I was a teen trying to figure myself out I came out to my parents as gay and they were supportive. But eventually I had a couple of girlfriends and after I had brought one of them home mom told me I should pick one team and stick with it because bi guys are icky.
She said it in such an offhand way that she probably doesn't remember, but that's the kind of thing that sticks with you. She believed that bisexual men were willing to fuck anything without standards which would lead to me being either deranged or diseased.
Joke's on her though: I'm so bad at picking teams I didn't even grow up to be a man
I don't even intend to come out to my family. (That statement does not only apply to my orientation.) And it wouldn't help that they've never seen me in relationship with someone not perceived as a woman. (Although I've been perceived as a gay man at some times for reasons I don't really know.)
What was I trying to say? That I sympathise with you.
“Pick a team” …..ugh I’m so sorry she was so flippant during such a formable time in your life.
Had a good laugh at your last line though :)
I’ve observed this in some women’s groups over time - this aversion to bisexual men - and it’s always so disappointing to see it come up. There are women I’ve had to pull away from because of these views that bisexual men are somehow tainted or too feminine or whatever flavor of homophobic reasons they use to reject people based on an immutable trait.
And what sucks is I've seen multiple times, men are generally more guilty of their homophobic views than women. Women will show a surface level support(most men don't do that) but they are almost as homophobic, and blatantly so when given a chance to open up.
I'm not sure men feel more guilty about their homophobic views, they're just more upfront about them lol
Yes, it is distressing to join up with other women thinking they are a safe space and come to find out they hold beliefs that are inherently biphobic. Even if they feel like their views only extend to bisexual men, it does extend to all bisexuals.
It's that men generally exaggerate their homophobia to fit in groups, whereas women hide theirs better till they're in places where they feel their views would go unchallenged. Also yeah, comparing men's homophobia and women's is comparing apples to oranges.
It's like, they are more guilty, but they better be for the kind of shit they've said.
There is so much internalized biphobia in our society. A lot of men sexualize bi women and think dating one means they will get threesomes. On the other side, a lot of women are convinced that bi men are twice as likely to cheat, or that they will eventually leave you for a man. And this kind of biphobia is present as well within the LGBTQ+ community, this is not inherent to straight people.
You’re right, biphobia is not found in straight people alone. I’ve been rejected within my own community because I’m bisexual and not a “gold star” lesbian. It stings even more that way to be honest.
i'd say that people are allowed to decide who they're sexually attracted to. you can't ask a person B to be attracted to person A, e.g. if person A is bi.
protection against discrimination applies at different levels, especially to be treated right by the law (state) and employer (especially if it's a big enough company). but people can still choose who they spend time with in their free time.
Yes, people have every right to choose who they spend time with, but if they are choosing to reject all people of a specific group because of their sexual orientation, it is still a preference rooted in homophobia. Whether they're conscious of it or not.
what if they reject dating all people of the specific group of being a man/woman? is that gay-phobia in your eyes?
Are you talking about gays and lesbians?
All people have a right to be treated with honesty, dignity, and respect, and not disclosing how you identify before I decide to have sex with you or not is a part of that.
I've dated bi guys, and my main objection is they didn't inform me prior (except for one, and he really was promiscuous, and didn't inform me about that), then wondered why I had a problem when I learned of their boyfriends, after months or years of unprotected sex.
These things stayed with me and put me off BI guys, altogether. It's not fair, but it's unfair to me to put myself through it again, after all that, so im simply not. There's too much baggage after too many years.
That said, I have been volcel almost four years because straight men are the same, and I'm sick of dealing with doting mothers who encourage bad behaviour, and mothers whose children can't do anything right and are dammed if you do, dammed if you don't, either... Including mine.
In a world where intense couples counseling and willing partners were to be found (rather than those few who appear willing for appeasement, wasting time, effort, money), I may, or not. But I can navigate friendships easier because of no emotional investment in romance, so it's just better that way. Plus I prefer monogamy.
Iow, it's complicated.
I’ve dated bi guys, and my main objection is they didn’t inform me prior (except for one, and he really was promiscuous, and didn’t inform me about that), then wondered why I had a problem when I learned of their boyfriends, after months or years of unprotected sex.
I'm honestly asking - do you require straight men to be forthright about how many women they slept with previously? Why not ask for a recent STI panel instead of their sexual history?
I said nothing about "previously."
I said they didn't inform me they were bi, didn't inform me they're promiscuous (promiscuity being in common with straights).
And I have asked for mutual testing, which didn't stop the ones who agreed from cheating and being caught.
they didn’t inform me prior
Apologies, this is what I read as "previously". That they didn't inform you before you started sleeping with them, not that they were cheating on you or not disclosing they were continuing to sleep with others.
I have a right to know if a potential partner is bi, just as they have the right to know I'm cis. This is how honest conversations about expectations for any relationship that may develop begin. And I get that it's probably not appropriate at the first or fourth date, and why people may not want to disclose that. Just like I get relationships are built on trust, but that leap of faith has to happen sometime, or just disclose that it doesn't seem a compatible match. 🤷♀️
@Maeve @velma I firmly disagree with the statement “I have a right to know if a potential partner is bi”.
There are no reason for anyone to be entitled to knowing a potential partner's sexual orientation or potential transidentity. That works for other private info.
Said potential partners, however, have the right to flee those who ask.
You prefer knowing it, because of your traumatic experiences, that's vastly different. Understandable need, and it **can** be better to discuss it, but still not a right.
One has no reason to trust a mere "potential partner" with such a sensitive info. Especially in a place with strong anti-lgbt social standards or laws.
I think the only problem I have with any of this is assuming all bisexual men will act the same because they are bisexual. Or because they're men. I do still believe everyone has a right to date whom they want to be clear.
I feel uneasy with that first line "I have a right to know if a potential partner is bi". I have to sit with that for a minute before I can fully explain why that makes me uncomfortable.
I think you would have to have a deep cultural understanding of the rural deep south village of a couple of hundred deeply indoctrinated people. In a perfect world, it would be different. In a different community or location it may be different.
It's not any of those and every failure and all the work gets dumped on women anyway, when when people know it's the man's proclivities. This is still the times women who go nowhere and have no friends are expected to "agree" she infected her man, rather than her promiscuous man infecting her and still don't know where it came from, and will continue to infect women knowing they're infected because, "a man's going to be a man."
@velma Were do the biphobic stereotypes come from ?
Why, even ?
I guess that, like most if not all discriminations, it stems from domination and exploitation systems. But are there other explanations ?
Anyway, the stereotypes are so dumb.
Why would bi women accept a FFM threesome just ot please a man ? They are people too, not sextoys.
Why would bi men be born cheaters ?
Why would a bi person's sexual orientation be defined only by their current partner's perceived gender ?
(BTW i'm bi, poly, and mostly a man, but in an mono relationship with a woman. There's no risk of me cheating on her.)
