For me I feel bad from both masculine pronouns and feminine pronouns, but the latter is because I don't trust cishet people that they understand me. Honestly I just wish I could forget my mother tongue and only speak English. It's so hard to avoid gendered verbs and I can't ask others to do so as well as it is sometimes downright impossible in a reasonable time frame. So I would avoid gendered stuff early and scale it with confidence/presentation and time. It's different getting called a girl when trying out a fabulous dress and when you look like shit after waking up early in transition. But that might be because I have trust issues and there is no way in hell I would give my family my pure feelings, because they've proven to be a bit shit.

Typically, treating us as you would any other person of that gender is a good rule of thumb. I do have some suggestions though!

1. Compliment things they're choosing where appropriate (i.e. outfit choices, jewelry, nails, hair, etc). A simple "your nails look good" when someone has a manicure, "I like your haircut, it suits you", "nice hat", are all good examples. Honestly, these all work for cis people as well, but having someone see, acknowledge, and compliment you means a lot when feeling dysphoric.

2. Invite them to typically gendered activities with you (if you do any). For example, being invited along for a girl's day by some of my women friends is always welcome. I've also been invited to get my nails done by a guy friend before, and that was also really nice!

3. Early in transition, having someone of your same gender take you shopping for clothes is incredibly impactful. I was fortunate to have my mom take me on a shopping trip (I was 28, and it was still an anxiety inducing to go alone to try on clothes alone). If you're different genders, this could work still, but is probably more of a case by case thing.

4. If you're giving a gift, something like flowers for a trans woman is a good option. I don't really have ideas for men, but maybe a cologne or something?

5. Probably the biggest thing is making the effort to address them properly. Use their name and pronouns. If you make a mistake, don't make a big deal out of it or try to justify it. Just go "sorry, she/he/they/name" and continue your point. "This is hard for me" from someone is an instant ticket to dysphoria (oh they still see me as deadname) and wanting to get away from them.

6. Ask them if there's some way you can better support them. Even if they go "I don't know", knowing that you care enough to ask means a lot!

I don't have great general advice when it comes to non binary people, as their dysphoria is often a lot different from people with more binary genders. Point number 5 broadly applies, and point 6 might result in more specifics for that individual person that you can act on.

In my experience the self destructive instincts are internal. We certainly appreciate social support, I don't think it could possibly be enough to counter these kinds of self destructive patterns, nor are they caused by a lack of support.

Before I transitioned, I had a worrying relationship with alcohol. Thankfully, I never developed alcoholism, but I reckon I got close. There were plenty of times I spent an evening with a bottle of whisky specifically to make myself feel bad, because at least it was feeling something. Starting on the hormones eliminated that self destructive urge almost immediately. I also stopped buying a big family size bag of candy and finishing it in an evening.

The urge to shave off all your skin comes from having hairs that are wrong and grew in the wrong place. I'm getting electrolysis so it's being addressed albeit slowly. Hair growth that is bad and wrong happens during the wrong puberty and could have been avoided by getting on the hormones in my early teenage years.

Trans medicine is some of the most effective medicine in the entire field of medicine. If you want to do more I would recommend focusing on that. Do whatever is in your power to make sure that trans medicine is available to as many people as possible as early as possible. But also spread the word. Make sure you talk about trans people and transition. Make sure everyone knows transition is an option. To avoid the worst aspects of dysphoria young people need both access to medicine, and the knowledge to figure out they are trans in the first place. You can help with either one. That's where I would recommend you focus if you want to do more.

I can't speak for other trans people, but I can tell you what NOT to do, from my personal experience with my bf (cis man).

"You're lucky, you have everything you need including all the medical care and it doesn't break the bank. Just two hours from here, there are people, children, actively being bombed while they do their best to stay alive. Think about how they must feel..."

When I'm having a dysphoric episode and I decide to tell you, it means I trust you enough to tell you. When you start comparing my own difficulties to other people, saying they have it worse, not only does that hurt a great deal, it also makes me trust you less and makes me rethink opening up to you in the future.

I know you probably have enough common sense and most importantly, empathy, to not do this...my bf didn't. And now we just don't talk when I'm really dysphoric.

Sorry for the wall of text, but I felt like this needed to be said.

At an extreme end, make estrogen vials and progesterone suppositories and sell them for people to buy DIY. Otherwise, just being a friendly face and maybe a good listener helps a lot too! Compliment their outfit or their jewelry. It helps not being alone, especially in a school or work setting.

I'm trying
It's hard to be kind to myself when I'm this...

I just wanted to be an ordinary, boring cis city girl. Fml

I sure hope so. I've been drinking this green sludge instead of eating today. It makes the pain almost bearable

You sure are ❤️

I'm...really sorry to hear that 🫂