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khannie
WomensStuffHi folks. Not a woman but I'm asking on behalf of my 19 year old daughter so I hope that's ok.
She has a huge dermoid cyst on one of her ovaries. It's slightly larger than a baby's head.
We're just out of a consult with the surgeon a few hours. Surgeon felt the ovary was salvageable and she basically has three options.
- Ovary removal, this can possibly / probably be done through keyhole. Results in about 25% reduction in fertility. She does want kids in the future but had mentally already said goodbye to the ovary until today.
- Horizontal incision. This will leave a scar about 13cm / 5 inches around her knicker line but if there are any complications during the surgery, the scar would extend to cover the width of her tummy. At the moment this is her preferred option because of lower visibility but we're both kinda shaken after the whole thing.
- Vertical scar from her belly button. This makes the surgery easier and is the least likely to cause any complications.
He's urging option 3.
The thing is she's an athletic kid and very young obviously so the scarring is a big consideration for her. She would wear belly tops a lot and has since she was young. She doesn't want a tattoo to cover.
We tried looking for examples of post-op scars online but they're all fresh after surgery so obviously look very rough (and I presume some of them are "omg I got butchered" pics) so she was very upset after seeing those.
What I'm wondering is if any of you have experience or know anyone with experience with this and wouldn't mind sharing what choice you made and if you're happy with it and how well the scar healed over time?
Also if anyone would be willing to share a healed scar picture I could put you directly in touch with her (or you can of course DM me).
Thanks so much ❤️
Have you considered getting a second opinion? Some surgeons will gravitate towards what they’re comfortable with, and that’s understandable, but there may be another surgeon more familiar with the less invasive/scarring procedure that could be a better fit for your daughter.
I dated a woman who had several very large post-op scars from a series of lipomas that went up and down her arms. She wore long sleeves, and rarely spoke to people about them.
When she moved to our city, she was ready to return to her habit of hiding them until she made friends with us. My friends and I opened up about things we'd survived too. About a year into our relationship, she started wearing short sleeves. She liked it when it was hot outside.
Your daughter's scared of something that could disfigure her. That's understandable. It is scary. But without a doubt, that fear comes from societal expectations. If it's something that scary, having support from her closest friends will do wonders for her courage. It means a lot to have a whole team rooting for you, no matter how it turns out.
She's a brave girl. Sometimes, we just need good friends to have that extra boost in our courage. If your daughter's okay with it, maybe ask them to give her some extra morale support.
At 19 her scars are going to heal comparatively quickly, but they'll probably still be very noticeable for a couple of years.
I have some scars from quite extreme surgery which are no more than white lines now, though when they were fresh they looked like Frankensteins monster.
If she's sporty, and the surgery requires cutting through the underlying muscle, she won't be able to do sports for a while, too. I suspect the vertical cut would reduce that side of the healing time, but I'm no expert.
One more thing - I was convinced by a person who had had a particular surgery with very positive results to get a procedure done a certain way. My results were not as good, and it took me a long time to heal and I went through a lot of pain, so be aware that your (her) mileage may vary A LOT and to take advice with a pinch of salt (including mine!).
I very much wish your daughter the very best no matter her decision, and I'm glad she has you as a supportive parent.
Oh God I'm trying to find the right words to reply to this but I'm really struggling. Thank you. ❤️ It's been an emotional day for both of us but my poor child... I know she's a woman but she's still finding her way.
It's a good point about the recovery. I don't think it would sway her but I'll say it to her.
Definitely pick up a scar reducing gel like moderns and use it as directed on the box. That will help a lot.
Didn't know such a thing existed. Thanks!
You're welcome! I know there's also subtle massage techniques that can be used to encourage the scar tissue to lay down in one direction but you'll have to do some research on that because my massage license expired 15 years ago and I never took the actual class on that, I just heard about it from other therapists. It does help a decent amount and if I recall, it can be done on yourself so your daughter can probably find some info about it.
Scars are neat and a great conversation starter. They tell stories. In this case a story of hardship and pain and endurance.
A lot of future lovers are gonna ask her about that scar and she can tell her story.
About scarring and relationships
Some years ago, when I was in my early 20s, not much older than your daughter, my then partner had an emergency surgery that left him with a massive scar: cross shaped, sternum to bellybutton and nipple to nipple. It healed slowly and poorly. He was very self conscious about it, he was worried of scaring people off and stopped going to the beach or undressing in any capacity near other people. I never cared and it never bothered me but I know that’s not everyone’s point of view.
Having a big scar will bother some people, but it will also heal a lot. Over time, more people her age will have had run ins with surgeons and will sport some scars. She is unfortunately one of the first ones in her cohort and that’s hard.
All the best.
About scars: I had surgery around that age that resulted in several 1in scars across my belly. It was an adjustment mentally to accept them. Over a decade later and I’m used to them and don’t care about them. Though I make sure to always use high spf sunscreen if wearing swim suit or crop top so they stay minimally noticeable. Nobody has ever commented on them to me, aside from a couple intimate partners who asked where they came from. When I’ve mentioned my belly scars or some minor facial scars to friends, most of them said they hadn’t noticed the scars. Also, get some silicone gel for after the stitches are gone. They greatly help scarring. And doing massage on the scars.
About surgery options: A little hard to say without knowing all the details. Did you ask the surgeon things like how often they do this kind of surgery, which method they use the most, how often are there complications for each method, what are the complications that could happen, are there any more experienced surgeons for this surgery you can go to? It will come down to personal risk preference.
