TotallynotJessica
Trans MemesThis is also why I think there should be more transmasc and transby memes in comparison to transfem on 196 and transmemes, tbh
Transmasc people existing and being happy about masc things has been huge for my realisation that maybe I am transfem actually
I know transmascs and transfems don't share a destination, but we all share the pain caused by trying to exist in the wrong gender and the joy and happiness brought by transition.
I get and don’t get trans mascs. Like I fully understand being trans, I just don’t get why anyone would ever want to be a man. But I’ll die fighting to support them.
Ach, sorry about the trauma dumping below, but it was just nice to write it out. Tl;dr: I suspect that being a woman is objectively easier for me with the femme socialization I received, and I don’t know if I would want to deal with the difficulty of being a man, but it still sucks if it’s not what feels right.
I’m AFAB, probably an egg without noticeable dysphoria (though occasional euphoria) and kind of feel like this. Like, I can currently get away with showering every other day, I don’t need too much food, my feet don’t stink, and I’m pretty hot as a woman. Plus I can technically create life with my husband; if I’m struggling with something heavy in public, someone will try to help (annoying 95% of the time, lifesaving 5%); strangers don’t try to start fights with me (though obviously them sometimes trying to assault me sexually is also bad, I know how to deal with it- I don’t know how to talk down a drunk angry dude who wants to fight me and I’m pretty sure my attempt would go poorly); and nobody expects me to be anyone’s savior- though I find it pretty easy to successfully step in in cases of street harassment now, I think that would be very different if I were seen as a possible aggressor.
Also, I already cry way more than most other people (autism plus femme socialization that converted anger and frustration into tears), I don’t want to imagine the difficulty that would cause if I were a dude. I’ve heard that HRT makes it more difficult for trans men to cry, but I hate the feeling of needing to cry generally and being unable to. I would like to cry less, but ideally because I’ve dealt with my shit, not because I can’t (I am aware that perhaps I’m so close to tears on a regular basis because I’m unhappy with my gender, but it could also just be me).
It just feels like it should have been different.
I feel like I should be stronger (I’m very strong for a woman, which means the average man could still overpower me relatively easily), I feel like I’m being condescended to when someone holds a door open for me and I feel like I should obviously be the one carrying things if I’m walking with someone. When people assume that I’ll make decisions about the household, I feel like nobody could possibly care what color a carpet is and it’s all just a weird collective charade we’re partaking in. When people make jokes about the woman always being right/happy wife, happy life, I feel sick.
Hey sib, thanks for your story, love to hear your perspective actually. :)
The way I as a transfem view it re: HRT and crying, is that we also do experience the same emotions. Pre HRT and pre egg, when an old family member was going to be buried, I also cried; but it felt like I didn't "want" to, as if there is a veil over my feelings. I think part of that is the social expectation of "tough men don't cry". But I disagree. I did cry as well, eventually, but it took longer, and I didn't do so as 'quickly'.
When I got on HRT, it felt like the veil had been lifted and I could express my feelings more clearly. I think that it doesn't depend on hormones but on what you've been conditioned to as being "acceptable to do". Maybe, once I got HRT, I felt like a weight was lifted and I could cry earlier and more thorough on my own volition. Whether that is due to hormones or due to social expectation, who is to say.
::: spoiler small bit about my own dysphoria, just needed to vent it, please ignore that said, i am pretty happy so far with my HRT. Boobs could be a bit bigger, hips wider... but it's going the right way now, and I can look more at myself in the mirror. The only big thing I'm still dissatisfied with is the lack of a vagina and uterus. I really want to carry a child someday, but that isn't possible without a transplant. Oh well.
I feel like for transmascs and transbys with strong dysphoria (it imo isn't dysphoria but euphoria that primarily determines what would be good), it might be the same with regard to lacking a dick or being too strongly gendered in their body...
On your very last sentence, same, amen. It feels (un)intentionally a bit misogynistic. :::
I cannot say how HRT would be for you - that is individually different. But I'd like to think that cool men(by's) absolutely do cry. And that you already being able to do so, helps.
Whatever you feel as is valid; only you can figure out what that is. Whether cis, trans, or what else.
Personally I don't think there's much to 'get'. They don't want to be men, they are men. And that doesn't have to mean toxic and sexist and a bigot. Not all men lol.
Side note: something funny I've noticed is that transmascs get the exact same "you'll never be a woman" / "you'll always be man" comments from people on mainstream social media. Makes it really look like it's actually all just bots getting triggered by the word "trans". But they've only been programmed to shit on trans women, so all they do when it comes to trans men is give them affirmation.
True. My wording was framed from my own point of view where presenting/acting male was something I performed and despised. I apologise for any trans mascs if it felt like I was saying you’re not men.
Even the ones who aren’t bots just rarely think of trans mascs. So they probably hear trans and think the person must be trans femme. Is that ewwphoric to hear when they say you’ll always be a man?
Honestly I'm sure it's still shit to have people / bots coming along to try and bring you down, even if they get it wrong and you can have a laugh about it afterwards. But these people's dumb comments will usually get posted for everyone to laugh at the dumb bigots who can "always tell".
I really can't speak for someone else's feelings but that sounds like a kind of ewwphoria to me. Turning attempts at bigotry into a celebration.
Even the ones who aren’t bots just rarely think of trans mascs
Yep. It's all rooted in a type of misogyny. I think 95% of the anti trans crowd are men who think washing their own asses is gay, and who are absolutely terrified of finding a trans woman attractive. To the point that half the time now, they can't interact with any women without trying to transvestigate or some shit.
