58
DisabledAceSocialist [comrade/them]
chatNow that I’m able to go back out a bit, I feel really embarrassed because I look rough as hell. My hair is falling out, I’ve got bad oedema so I’m swollen and puffy, my skin is destroyed, all red and covered in eczema and various infections. Yesterday in the supermarket I got mistaken for a man, and it’s not even the first time it has happened. A little kid was blocking my path and her mum said, “Mind out of the way, a man is trying to get past.” I’ve had a shop attendant previously say “here you go, sir,” when handing me my item. I’ve had random strangers loudly make fun of the way I walk (I have problems walking since having a stroke) and an older couple even laughed and made fun of me after one of my foot surgeries because I was wearing plastic shoe cover bags on my feet instead of shoes.
I just feel so embarrassed going out at all but I hate being stuck indoors.
Just want to say I'm sorry people are being so inordinately horrible to you. The ableism in what these randoms are saying is pretty awful, nobody deserves having to endure that.
"your boos mean nothing, I've seen what makes you cheer"
"I've been called worse things by better people"
Is it reddit? Sure. Can you often use it? No. Is it a guaranteed crit if it lands? Oh yeah
I don't really have good advice for this (it might be a shock to some but I'm not that well adjusted) but I do wanna say that I'm glad to hear you're in a position to be able to be going out more and I hope you take advantage of it as much as you can despite being anxious over people's perceptions because you deserve being out and active
If you want BAD advice though I would suggest intentionally over tuning a sense of delusional narcissism and seething, dismissive "well they can go fuck themselves" anger. You might still end up caring about the thoughts of others but you'll feel mad instead of bad, easy win, ayyy
instead of anger, I've built up a massive layer of contempt. is that good??
Resentment here… I carry an immeasurable amount of resentment for people I know and don’t know. I’m terribly maladjusted to life after the pandemic and living in a world that left me behind.
contempt is soft anger so you're basically doing what we're doing
This is what I do but didn’t want to suggest it. Prefer to direct my anger outwards rather than inwards if it has to go somewhere at all
it's that but also cultivating anger intentionally as opposed to shame/other bad internal feelings
look at us being so good at being poorly adjusted
I used to be a very angry person but i had to shed that excess anger cos it was eating me alive. Now its rationed for specific short lived situations and discarded after.
One thing you could do if there's other people around is just loudly call them out on it. Make sure that everyone knows what they're doing. And do it in a way where they can't possibly weasel their way out of, like "What is wrong with you saying such a disgusting thing to a disabled person?". Usually they will get embarrassed when everyone suddenly stares at them and hurry away.
Of course that doesn't work with transphobia that well, because it's too socially acceptable to be cruel to us, but at least the ableism can be handled that way. You also have to watch out for hyper-aggressive shitheads though, as there's a high chance of them attacking you, especially men in groups
What if it wasn't you being treated this way, but you saw these people treating somebody else the same way they've been treating you. How would you feel about them? Chances are they have done this many times, to many people. They are the consistent problem in that equation, not you. Nobody they've interacted with, in such a way, likes them. A healthy society would collectively correct anyone making fun of you in public, but we're not living in a healthy society.
years of abuse in school.
you know your local culture, channel the derision you have for what makes them cheer into disregard for their judgement
I would recommend listening to some music if you can use ear buds or something when you are out. It will help with tuning people out and help focusing on when you are anxious.
I would try to view people when out not worth worrying about as It's likely you won't see them again. They also don't know you whatsoever.
I can't give you advice on being misgendered other than people misgender others quite a bit based on appearance by mistake or if they're shitty people. Low self esteem will have it hit harder.
I am genderless and don't care for pronouns so I can't give you better advice, I'm sorry.
I'm not entirely sure how I got here, but at a certain point I realized that there's a circle of maybe 15-20 close friends and family etc whose opinions of me actually mean something because they know or have known me to some extent, then there's a constellation of people I kinda/sorta/used to know whose opinions of me I might have some varying level of curiosity about, but that I don't take as seriously....and no one else's take really matters.
not using / limiting exposure to social media (which enhances / preys upon our urges to compare ourselves to others + fosters negative self-image etc) can't hurt
Sock with a half brick in it? All joking aside, I don't really know. I mostly don't care what people think but, for me, I feel like that stems from extremely low self esteem and I can't recommend that to anyone. I'm sorry people are being shitty to you!
I think about stuff I love but can't eat/do right now, pizza, football(soccer for fucking tanks), burgers, cuddles, bubble tea, watch movie in theatre, stuff like that. It helps me cope a lot with bad experiences outside of my house.
People dont think about me so I dont think about them.
Im a cis guy with long hair and I've been misgendered. Thats evidence that people just dont think about others like that.
Very easy. Just be honest.
As a living being your purpose should be reach immortality with full capabilities (end/reverse aging).
If others do not follow such purpose, they have bad will or are ignorant. Both cases mean you have to ignore them, they want you dead, without freedom* and without full capabilities. Why would you listen or negotiate with someone who want you bad?
*while aging /death by time exist all ours actions and thinking are conditioned by this fact and therefore no free will exist
huh
are you being serious?
Don’t forget, you’re a tiny spec of insignificant dust to the rest of the universe. “society’s” “opinion” of you doesn’t mean anything in the grand scheme. Don’t let a perceived negative orientation prevent you from experiencing and surviving.
(This doesn’t work for everyone but it works for me)
