How much pressure have you had to have kids?
(midwest.social)
LadyButterfly she/her
WomensStuffThirties? People were asking me when I was going to settle down when I was in twelfth grade.
None of those are true. I was gonna say it's basically just "uterus" but people surrogate all the time
I don't get pressured to have kids at all. When I say "I had My genitals surgically removed", that's a level of asexuality that normal people don't know how to be assholes about at all. It's an out of context problem for the moderate conservative brain.
I got asked about it by psychiatrists when I was getting My surgery letters, and I told them, "If I want to have a kid, I'll adopt. The world has enough babies, and this cultural obsession with having a kid who shares your genes seems kinda eugenecist."
What
Tell Me which part is confusing and I can try to explain it better
Oh, and I didn't tell the psychiatrists this, but I already did adopt. I brought a couple of wonderful trans pups into My life and I'm helping them get stronger and braver and make their way in the world. That's the kind of family I want to make, and I did.
I think they're blue screening on the genital removal. It's not a common bodymod, but fuckit, they're yours, you can yeet them if ya want
Ah, so it's an out of context problem for Magnum's brain too!
I did an AMA about it a few months ago, I can grab the link if anyone wants to read it
30s? So You're not taking conservatives into consideration. According to them, the woman is most fertile when she's 16.
“Woman, alive” really are the only necessary components to getting pressured to have children.
Woman, alive (optional)
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Adriana_Smith_pregnancy_case
Why dems are nor making the noise and get the attention needed for this?
Oh god, that case was horrifying and it's still really, really upsetting.
If we're still talking about conservatives, it would also be important to be white.
And in wedlock. Can't have women going around having children without being subjugated to a man.
Unless they were raped then they cant get an abortion
I mean, conservative ideology exists in more places than Europe, Russia, South Africa, and north America.
White is only important to conservatives who are already white.
Hey egg! We don't allow political talk here
Hey friend! No politics please we keep here safe from it
CW: SA
My decision to have a child was made for me when my then-wife stopped using her birth control without telling me. A few years prior to her actions we had a conversation about kids that was left unresolved. I wanted us to be in a better place financially before trying because I had always loved the idea of a stay-at-home dad, present in his children's lives (and other experiences I didn't have growing up), but then COVID happened and we both lost our jobs. In the midst of recovering from a mental burnout from a career I hated and a nightmarish job hunt, I was also experiencing a final dying gasp of performative hyper-masculinity, eventually channeled into working outside with my body for 40 hours a week while achieving the Adonis look. It was what I had always told myself I wanted if I couldn't be a girl, but finally having achieved it, it still didn't fit right.
Amidst this, my ex arbitrarily decided to try for a baby, perhaps hoping it would convince me to go back out for higher paying office jobs or something. I have never received a real answer from her, other than her friend suggested she do it and she listened, but this is classic deflection from her. We won't get into it. My ex allegedly tried for only one month, and thus, a Star were Born.
Fast forward four years of motherhood, gender discovery, and divorce; My kiddo is the sweetest nugget, my ex still can't use my name correctly and is (has always been?) a real terfy lesbian, and I'm trying to make the best of the world catching on fire while explaining it to a creature who nuzzles into me when it's scared and whose consciousness hasn't yet turned on.
I'm sorry that you experienced this.
I had so much pressure from my parents and my (now ex) husband's parents when I was in my 20s. I remember trying to skirt the issue by telling my mom that we weren't in a good financial place, and she said "that doesn't matter. You'll just make it work. We did." Yeah ma, you made it work by having screaming and sometimes physical fights about finances. Not to mention that I never got to have any extra curriculars or new clothes because of it. Utterly mental.
Thankfully I was told that because of a disease I was diagnosed with in my late 20, if I did try to have kids, I would most certainly die. So yahoo, no more pressure for me.
that doesn't matter. You'll just make it work. We did."
They always forget about how they kept voting fascists into office, and now food, housing, childcare and medical care are all exponentially more expensive, all while wages remain stagnant. And that's just the tip of the iceberg for reasons why it's harder to raise children now than it was 20-30 years ago.
"You'll just make it work. We did." is such an asinine thing to say when most of us drag baggage into adulthood from varying degrees of childhood trauma. Whether the cause was financial or "I stayed in this bad marriage because of you, kids" while at the same time making another kid in hopes of it fixing said marriage or satisfying your biological need.
I've never truly wanted to have kids—past the very rare, but fleeting thought due to people around me starting to have them and lizard brain getting confused—in over 30 years of existing, and yet I still get the occasional "why not?" and "you'll change your mind" and "your life will have purpose".
The purpose thing always gets me. I came from a large family, six kids. We're all long since out of the house. And while kids did give h my mom a sense of purpose, in her 50s, she had to find a purpose all over again! Once all the kids were out of the house, as an empty nester, she had to find things to occupy her time. And she's found a variety of very rewarding volunteer work in the community to do so.
Not that having kids won't give you a sense of purpose, but that sense only really lasts while the kids are young and in need of a lot of active childcare. Once they're in high school, you'll need to find something else to produce that sense of purpose and keep yourself busy. So if you're having kids just for a sense of purpose, you would be better off focusing on just that and leaving the actual human beings out of it.
The planet's on fucking fire. I have so many purposes already. I need to stop climate change, destroy capitalism, decolonise Australia, help the trans kids stop dying, get Bibi to go home, teach people to perceive otherkin kindly... Anyone who needs a kid to give them purpose has no empathy and would make a bad parent in My opinion. Fight for the kids who are dying in Gaza. We don't need more purposes, we need more helpers.
When I was a kid I got diagnosed with depression and anxiety because I was always thinking about climate change and how to save the world. But I'm not scared. I'm angry.
My mom always says her children are her purpose and I find it unhealthy. My younger sibling still lives with my parents, so the nest isn't empty, but she places a lot of emotional burden on us because her marriage is toxic and even working a lot and having her hobbies isn't enough to offset it. So instead of divorcing my father and focusing on her mental and physical health, she uses us as sort of an emotional crutch. I just don't get it.
My friends are all starting to have kids and I've never been more glad to have yeeted my uterus. People also stop asking you about having kids when you say, "Well you need a uterus for that."
If somehow I do change my mind, I'll adopt. But RN my mind is firmly made up: no kids
I've actually had people be less pushy about it once I hit my 30's. Though I still get the occasional "why not?" and "what if your husband changes his mind?" when they ask if I have children. Which is honeslty pretty crazy to me, what if it wasn't by choice (it is) and now you're asking "why not?" to someone who wants them but for whatever reason can't have them.
I'm fortunate enough that my parents and in-laws both don't bother us about it. They'd love grandkids but know we won't be having any. The pressure mostly came from coworkers in my 20's where they'd say "You'll change your mind" and dismiss my opinions.
It's shocking the number of people who think they're entitled to know all about your reproductive health and/or choices.
By the time I was in my mid-30s, I had seen several loved ones suffer through infertility and miscarriages, and I thought about how horrible those conversations must be for them, so I started my public awareness campaign.
Someone I barely knew would ask if I had kids. I would say no. If they pressed about why, I would respond with, "You know, when a woman gets to be my age and doesn't have kids, there's usually a reason for it. And she usually doesn't want to discuss it with someone she just met."
Some people would immediately apologize and seemed to genuinely understand how intrusive those questions could be. Others were oblivious and needed things spelled out more clearly: your idle curiosity about other people's family planning is not worth dredging up what could be serious trauma.
When my now-spouse and I were still fairly early in our relationship they asked me to go with them to their gyno appointment, because they wanted to get a tubal ligation.
The Dr actually protested and asked "well this is just a boyfriend, what if your future husband wants kids?"
To which I responded "even if that's not me who the fuck cares if some potential future Douchebag disagrees with their choice and wants to force them into having kids? Why are you asking like it's not 100% their choice? Even If I wanted kids and were married right now, tough shit it's not my body. "
We don't go there anymore, but it's a super religious hospital masquerading as not religious. But when your entire board is religious, the major donations are from churches, a lot of the staff go to said churches, and your medical decisions clearly reflect religious views, you can't really claim to be anything but a religious organization... Unfortunately, the only one within half an hour drive of here...
Dogs don't feed the people crushing machine that eats people and creates more money for billionaires. So there won't be restrictions on human breeding.
Please respect other people's choices here. I understand that it can be frustrating to be pressured to have children, but people that have chosen to have children are still in this community.
I misunderstood the comment you're replying to, too, at first. They're saying the government doesn't want people to think carefully about having kids, because the government wants to use kids as workers.
Right and that view has been used to criticize parents for having children that the government can then use as workers. That if people stopped having children, it would help the resistance or whatever because we aren’t doing what the government wants.
We’re starting to veer into politics with this so I don’t want to go into it too much, but that’s all I was pointing out.
I wouldn't say that being childfree is an act of resistance. But the decision to have kids is a political one, and you have to think about how politics are gonna affect your kid. Elon Musk wants us to have tons of kids so that labour will be cheap and he can exploit workers. And that's what we're subjecting our kids to, if we give birth. I think adopting is a much better choice, because you can give a kid who needs help a good home, instead of creating a new life to be exploited by the bourgeoisie.
I adopted two wonderful trans pups who have are legally adults, but still have some growing up to do because of bad parents. And I think that's the woke thing to do, compared with creating a whole new life from scratch. I wouldn't be able to sit with the ethical ramifications of doing that, what with all the problems future generations have to solve. My parents and their parents before them didn't bother to try to help the world, they just dumped all this climate change and fascism stuff on My generation. I'm not gonna do the same thing to My kids. I want to create solutions for My kids, not problems. We're gonna fight the Bourgeoisie together!
This is exactly what I was talking about.
It’s not immoral to have children biologically.
Let’s be respectful about everyone’s chosen life path here please.
If you're in a situation where you can guarantee a good life for your kids, that's great. Personally, I'm poor and disabled, and I don't have all that much to give to a kid materially. I can't afford to give a kid a safe place to live and all the stuff they need for school. But I can make life better for two young people who already got dealt a bad hand by life and by the irresponsible people who decided to make them. I don't know you and I can't judge you. But I'll judge the hell out of My parents, My grandparents, and the biological parents of My kids. Because all of those people didn't think about the political situation they were putting their kids into. And they didn't suffer the consequences of their decisions, we did.
I have children... I had to think about it very seriously and it had nothing to do with pressure from elsewhere. I also didn't insult anyone who had children. You may be taking this comment a bit too personally.
There is absolutely pressure to have children in order to feed the machine. And there isn't much realism about whether it's a good idea. Family planning is actively discouraged by the billionaire class and by extension, society. You're so easily offended that you completely missed the point and the point is pretty important.
feed the people crushing machine that eats people and creates more money for billionaires.
This is a rather negative view on having children and I see it often in toxic childfree communities. That's what made me say something.
Just a polite request to be aware of and respect other people's choices.
No, that is a negative view of capitalism.
I did not disrespect anyone's choices anywhere in this post. Polite request not to project your own insecurities onto me.
If you are confident in your choice you have children then you should be able to acknowledge reality. Having children does not change the actual state of society. I believe it's very important to me honest with my family.
Why have children if you don't want to make the world better for them? How can the world get better if you ignore reality because it's emotionally inconvenient? Children deserve to be trusted. If they're not treated like they're capable humans they won't ever mature. I try to focus on the positive with my kids but I'll be damned if I'm going to lie to them just because the truth is unpleasant. They will be prepared to live in the world and change it for the better.
Look, I’m not attacking you or saying that we shouldn’t make a better world for our kids.
That phrase that children are made to be consumed by the people crushing machine and billionaires is often used to criticize people who have chosen to have children in this modern world we are living in. It’s shame based language.
That’s the only thing I was pointing out.
I think you are misunderstanding when people use phrasing like that. It's not an attack on having children. It's an attack on the system and how it treats people.
Respectfully, I know what I’ve seen and this phrase has absolutely been used to criticize parents for deciding to have children now, particularly in the US. And especially in toxic childfree groups.
It is used in other ways, such as criticizing capitalism, as well.
Ok I agree that that's sometimes used to criticize parents but I did not do that. It comes across like you're intolerant of people talking about the issues with capitalism or you're overly sensitive and protecting intent where it doesn't exist. It's a bit unfair
You’re welcome to ignore my suggestion if you’d like and I promise I won’t be fussed. It was a suggestion and that’s it. I feel like I’ve been pretty polite on top of that. Let’s leave it, yeah?
Your comment doesn't seem relevant to what you replied to. This person did not disrespect the choice to have children.
Pressure started at about 17 and was gone by my 30s.
Thankfully in your 40s people shut the fuck up
I was asked why I even got married if I didn't want kids. That was really rich, coming from someone who had two kids out of wedlock.
So much it gave me a panic attack after a family Christmas. I have andometriosis and a buffet of mental health problems. I don't want kids.
I’ve never had anyone ask those questions about a proposed dog. You probably haven’t either. Makes a nice reactionary post though
In the real world, people do get asked questions like these. I have asked people questions like these after having seen so many people not be ready to have a dog.
Please review the rules of this community.
Not every meme is going to include you in its target audience. Weird, I know.
30s? You can have a baby as a teen, and encouraged to do so by the political right that still won't can child marriage and revenue completed that teen births are down.
My family said something to me about it a few times and i told them to adopt if they were hurting for more kids around and that shut them up.
I dont want kids and never did. But especially not in this horrid version of global capitalism.
It's a lot easier to become indifferent toward your pet. They're also easier to get rid of. Some people just be looking out for dogs.
You're not thinking of your children like your possession, or a right, or duty.
30s!? In THIS economy?
30's isn't even strictly necessary, though the questions grow as the age lowers.
None, actually. I guess everyone sees that that would be a bad idea.
There are men and women who I think should not be having kids but the reason you do not say that is because you start entering Aktion T4 territory real quick.
Have you read the rules for this community?
Have you?
Yes and I abide by them strictly.
Rules…
Women only… trans women are women, and transphobic or gender critical talk isn’t allowed. Anyone under the trans umbrella (e.g. non-binary, bigender, agender) is free to decide whether a women’s community is a good fit for them.
What are you trying to say?
Considering our past conversations, I'm not so sure this community is a right fit for you.
At least women can have kids. Men couldn’t even pass one out.
There are plenty of men who've given birth using their uteri. They're trans.
What does that have to do with anything?
This post, in a women's community, is about the pressure women face to have children.
What?
