Find time to have a cup of tea and a nap
(midwest.social)
VetOfTheSeas
WholesomeI have 3 kids. The most tired I had ever been was working a dead end job in my 20s.
Man tea and a nap sounds fucking great. I got some really nice teas from a shop in a city nearby and they are super good. I have a chinese dragonwell green tea that is excellent and a rose hip and apple herbal tea that is really tasty
I’m working a dead end job (more like career—I’m a programmer) with no kids. The fun in the work is gone and I feel unmoored. I’d honestly be okay with exhaustion caused by watching kids grow and learn, over the exhaustion I have from being forced to use AI while learning nothing.
I mean, it's always been a lot of fun to have kids, exhaustion or not. Literally the greatest and most long running project in most lives, and a source of meaning if not always happiness. I think people are crazy to deny themselves that kind of grounding and foundation to build a life on, but I acknowledge that people have different desires and goals in life.
I've got two kids running around and they can be incredibly exhausting. The first couple years were pretty rough. But I will say, nothing has been as rewarding as random "I love you dad" hugs from them. Every long night and missed event is completely worth it in that moment.
Parents deal with a lot of stuff. Non-parents also deal with a lot of stuff. We should all support each other, no matter where we are in our lives. Dealing with hard stuff is hard.
The best advice I got related to this is that "it's not a competition."
I kept putting off taking care of my health because I wasn't as burnt out/sick/tired/as much pain as someone else. So if they were still moving forward I should be too, right?
No. I didn't need to wait until my chest cold was pneumonia because the chemo was worse for my friend. Or my limp wasn't as bad as their constant pain. Or I wasn't as bone-tired as them, I'll just chug some caffeine.
If you are breaking down, you are breaking down.
We don't expect a wooden bridge to hold under the same daily stresses as the Golden Gate. We fix them both as they meed repair. We don't wait until the Golden Gate needs repair to fix all the other ones.
I'll say this about having a little guy. I've never felt like I'm wasting my time when I'm with him.
Work, hobbies, chores, the daily grind of life. There's a sense of ennui.
But whether I'm changing diapers or tossing him around at the pool, it's never a minute I regret.
I wasn’t unsympathetic beforehand or anything, but dealing with an extremely high energy kitten that literally could not be silent for more than 6 hours in a row made me understand infant parent crash outs a lot more. After months of not getting enough sleep you start to go insane. And this was just for a kitten that woke me up too early, I wasn’t even responsible for all the parent shit on top of it.
Cats are crepuscular but you can train/coax them out of disturbing you. E.g. blackout curtains/door guard and smart lights to create your own sunrise at a time you've had a full sleep
I was only more tired in early 20’s cuz I was getting fucked up and staying up late and then having to go to work early. Being a parent is involuntary tiredness. You can’t say, I think I’m gonna skip going out this weekend and get some good sleep. You’re just at the mercy of the child. And having a newborn is equally if not more tiring. Even when I was working two jobs I don’t think I was as tired. Probably age plays a factor too.
Unless you are doing 50 hours+ at an extremely shitty job type deal, or have some challenging mental illness, you probably haven't dealt with anything as difficult as the first 2 years of having a kid.
It doesn't mean you aren't going through shit or that a parent who says that isn't an asshole. But you probably haven't, been through anything remotely as emotionally physically challenging, it's just reality. There will be edge cases but you just probably haven't dealt with that level of sleep deprivation and anger 🤷♂️.
It's silly to get mad over it.
Guess we're back to dick measuring contests about who has it worse, which is the opposite of the point of the post. But, you do you buddy. I'm sure your life is plenty miserable too. Spread positive vibes, not bad ones.
Just because you can't imagine other scenarios besides the ones you listed doesn't mean there are none.
People can be exhausted for different reasons.
What's silly is seeing you gatekeeping the way you are in this very thread of all.
edit: grammar
It's the lack of sleep when you have a new born that is the challenge.
I'm sure there are random jobs where you are worked to the bone and then transit home and do it again, too early, that give a similar lack if sleep.
When I had cancer I had daily neck radiation for 2 months, and chemo. Those fatique the hell out of you as the cell destruction is processed by the body. I had 3 teens to take care of by myself as a single dad, and being self employed still had to manage 20 hours of contract work to keep paying bills. I found that easier then the newborn stages, because sleep was on my schedule not a random time.
Is a new born the sole possible reason for ongoing and random sleep deprivation?
I doubt it, even though it aligns with your experience.
Besides, not all new born pose the challenge you described.
Is it really so hard to realize that the world most of the time just is bigger than it seems?
There are plenty reasons to be exhausted...
Some people might have luck, but a newborn doesn't care when night or day is, and can wake every two hours and need care. Its the most exhausting thing most parents go through...says the parents group we belonged to. Its why some people hire an after birth doula, and why multi generational families in one home is a huge help.
It was honestly more exhausting than working 55-60 hours a week and doing my nightschool program at the same time.
There's a reason sleep deprivation is used in torture
You realize I don't say that new borns can't be exhausting?
I'm saying it's not the only reason in existence.
I believe you were exhausted and sleep deprived and I'm sorry it was this hard for you.
Can't you believe other people can be exhausted, sleep deprived, out of energy too and even for different reasons?
Of course, if you reread my comment I mentioned other random jobs may also do that.
I have seen people say sleep deprivation from mental health can also be exhausting af . The difference with a self issue is a doctor can often prescribe a sleeping pill so you can get rest. But a parent can't choose that if they don't have a person they can rely on for child care in the night.
For another example my wife has a disability, she works 2-3 hours and drives home, so mentally and physically tired that she pulls over about halfway home and sleeps at the side of the road for half hour, before continuing the journey. She is that exhausted.
Now imagine somebody else controls when she could take that needed sleep time.
Beyond scenarios that you don't have experience with, there are also physiologies you don't have experience with.
People with ADHD find some activities that are generally considered exhausting relaxing. Also they might argue folding the laundry is more exhausting than perhaps anything.
I would rather fix a machine that is literally on fire than fold laundry.
I used to work 7x 20-hour days in a row once a year for about 5-6 years, sleeping on the floor of the office to get an 150k-word academic journal published.
Caring for a kid is one thing, trying to proof read academia at your fourth sunset-sunrise cycle in a week is another.
