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egg_irl — Memes about being trans people in denial and other eggy topicsWait, we're supposed to stop being doormsts after we transition?
Living as a target of transmisogyny has taught me the world actually wants us to hard commit to that doormat life
Living as a target of transmisogyny has taught me the world actually wants us to hard commit to that doormat life
I feel this. Very early in my transition, a then friend, a cis woman, was initially very accepting of my being trans, offered to help, and even framed it as a "big sister" kind of relationship.
This very quickly proved to be hollow, because she would treat me as unreasonable for asking for the help she'd offered. She would regularly talk down to me, making me feel stupid for wanting to transition. At one point, I tried telling her about how I really struggled with things like clothes and makeup because not only am I trans, but I'm also colorblind, and she told me that I "shouldn't get too invested in that stuff, because you don't want to be some vain removed."
And this was in between long stretches of weeks and months where she wouldn't talk to me. I was the one who had to start every conversation, she never took an active interest in my transition, or my life, when when I tried to take an interest in hers.
And I let myself be a doormat like that for a long time, because I was so desperate for that kind of female friendship and camraderie, that she kept pantomiming to me, while treating me like shit.
And that's still a kind of relationship I wish I had, but the whole experience has wrecked my self esteem enough, that I struggle to make connections with other women
Yeah I never experienced that because I suspected everyone who offered such things wasn't genuine. I have awesome cis friends who are genuine allies to trans women, but I still watch myself around them to try to ensure I'm not too much of a burden. And like, my cis now ex (only broke up because I moved away) genuinely was amazing as I was learning to be more feminine in my presentation, we'd go thrifting together and she'd push me towards dresses she thought I'd look good in.
I learned how to do makeup because other trans women taught me some tricks and I experimented and figured out most of it myself (anyone reading, yeah, you can ask other trans women for advice, especially feminine ones, and transfem friends may even help you with it more). And yeah, I really wish I could've had a big sister friend when I was early in transition. I transitioned somewhat young (20) and was in the early wave of a lot of people transitioning, so there weren't many slightly more experienced trans women to go around.
I'm still afraid to ask my cis friends for feminine support and the like. They offer sometimes and I take them up on it, and I'm starting to be open talking transfeminism to them, but it's terrifying considering how many stories like yours I've seen. And that's despite how much of my transition has been cis lesbians explicitly welcoming me into community.
Tbph I've had really good cis women in my life, but I've also been shut down so many times by acquaintances and strangers to know not to push myself. I'm cautious and take a long time to trust because of that, and I've been hurt pretty badly because of my fear of standing up for myself.
I really wish we could rely on cis women for sisterhood, but we have to be here for each other and the cis women who want to be sisters to us can come join. Not separatism, but self reliance as a community. And more importantly, making sure the trans women in our lives know they can come to us and each other for sisterhood.
Really cool to get both deltarune and tadc spoiled in one meme
Trans Ralsei is just a theory... for now.
Confirming or denying the spoiler makes it more of a spoiler 🥲
I still act like a doormat people pleaser to keep people close... I've been medically transitioning for 8 years, and socially transitioned 9 years ago. I just have anxiety and zero self esteem from years of misguided self-hatred and while I'm working with a therapist to change that it's VERY slow going and progress has seriously plateaued and I have no idea how to fix that.
I'm transitioning, and I still want to opt out of being a person. I should be happy right now.
a hard truth is learning being trans wasnt the source of all your problems, so transitioning wont solve everything. itll solve some stuff, but we still gotta deal with the other stuff. i wish we didnt because personal growth is hard and hating myself is easy.
I think I'm not ready for personal growth yet. I'm just gonna keep hating myself for now.
Unwise but it's your life and you'll be there when you're ready for it
I should probably take Captain Lezbian's advice.
Yes ma'am, I'll work on personal growth o7
You can do it!
And fr, I still was struggling a lot after I started transitioning. Dysphoria was my biggest problem, so I was a lot happier, but it took years of work including CBT to get to where I am now.
I'm already in CBT, so that's good. Honestly, I think my only real internal problem is my self-hatred, and the rest is environmental/situational.
I dunno. I'm gonna try being sociable irl, since that's something I keenly miss, and I'll keep working on moving somewhere better.
Irl socialization is absolutely vital and I'm smacking myself for forgetting to include it. Tbh it may have been more important than the CBT, it's just that I did it alongside coming out (got involved in queer community). And if you're transfeminine I'll also say it's especially good to make friends with other transfeminine people.
And yeah, no amount or self work will make you feel good in a bad environment, but it can be better and it can help you get out.
Also, it's important to acknowledge self hate for what it is: a cognitive distortion. Maybe it's completely unfounded, but even if there are real bad things you've done, self hate doesn't make you better, it isn't a penance, if anything it's a distraction from becoming someone you can be proud to be.
Same and I'm over 3 years in 😔
You're not doomed, you just have other barriers to happiness to deal with first
Pretty much this. I don't think I'm doomed because I know for certain I can meet my goals, get back on my feet, and be happy, but external factors are what's pushing me down and keeping me dysphoric for longer than I normally would be.
...I'm doomed, aren't I?
hey. HEY!
they aren't a shithead... they tried to connect with pomni... they tried to connect with 🐸...
they distanced themselves cuz he felt that being vulnerable hurts peeps.
they r trynna do the "we all fall into our architypes at some point" and atuff, they were trynna keep things fun while not connecting with peeps as much, keeping things light. they tried to entertain the viewers and stuff and they still tried to do those bits with peeps to have a bit of fun and stuff...
they were...doing their best. they are >:( ! they are >;( ! they were.
Still an asshole, coming from someone that had the same experience as Jax as a kid, I could have pushed people away and been an asshole but all I wanted to do was make others happy. Not drag people down. I still disassociated hard for years, ran away from my mom's house, and dropped out of school. Went no contact.
My ex had a friend that had a shitty childhood and would "make jokes" and do pranks but it was always at the cost of someone else.
... u can make jokes and stuff and fall into an archetype and talk to the camera and not be evil...
i just.... got into defensive mode cuz Jax in the series is a lot like me pre... knowing.
It's ok to relate to characters that have hurt people. Sometimes good people have histories where they weren't so good (not saying you weren't good, I don't know you outside of recognizing the username, though that said I also haven't consumed either piece of media in the meme). This is growth. Sometimes it's the characters I don't like that I relate to that are the most valuable for me, because they show me a direction I should be improving in.
A lot of people in prolonged bad mental states such as dysphoria, trauma, or mental illness have a history of unintentionally hurting people. It doesn't mean they don't deserve happiness, it just means they need to learn to take care of themselves and how to stop unintentionally hurting people.
But Jax isn't you. You're Maria and you're a good girl
butbut I really kinda sympathize with them...
also aaaa am not---- am not what u said......
I get it, when I watched that scene my sister squeezed my arm as that was almost the same as me, except I was holding a knife to keep my mom away from me. I was able to grow and become my own person after I left, learn how to be social. Took years to trust and even longer to learn about myself.
Even if you sympathize with her and had similar experiences, you're still you, your own person.
And yes, you are a good girl. I'm sorry, but I won't deny the truth any longer
i - no nononononononono im not!!!! >o< im - im not what u say i am---- im not.
im not im not im not - u dont know - what if im some disgusting chaser? >O< that would be awful!!!! and u wouldnt know-
what if i - force feed babies with fries before they can digest them? that would be awful too!!!!! >O< that would be so maddening!!! and u wouldnt know-
what if im just ugly and - cant really be sympathized with because of that? u wouldnt know.... but i do.
i just - i dont feel pretty. i dont feel like im a "good girl" i - i would only be okay with someone saying that if - ... if.... okay fine, imma say a thing. ive said it some time before but imma repeat myself here.
i see that saying "good girl" almost entirely as a sexual thing... not even as a pet name but essentially as just that... which is unfortunate! it seems like a really way to call someone and the qualifying adjective "good" is - well - positive! and girl is gender-affirming. so it should just feel nice to hear. but when i hear it, i just... i - .... i ,,,, im like "i dont wanna be called that way.... especially when the peeps dont know me personally".
ive recently received a different name by someone. im not gonna say it - cuz it makes me feel things.... not spicily, but... excitingly. so i know what a nice name feels like. and it feels great!!!! i get super excited and am happy and - i feel like someone who is worth liking, someone who is allowed to take up space. someone who is allowed to want things even if i literally don't allow myself to even imagine that.
.... that makes me happy. im happy being called that. i like it. it makes me feel oh so happy. but - "good girl"? no. no, nonono thats not it. that doesnt make me feel good, that makes me feel like - its being asserted onto me.
(and no i wont tell u how that person calls me - thats my name and i get to keep it...... >///< )
That's fine. I'm happy that you have a phrase that makes you happy, even if you aren't willing to tell me what it is. I've known you online for a while now, and I always meant it when I compliment you. your entire vibe is really sweet and it's been amazing to see you grow into your own and overcome a lot of the dysphoria that was keeping you from being happy. I love how much more confident and happy you seem now, even if things still aren't perfect.
You've also never been a chaser because you've always been one of us. Most of us could tell before you admitted it openly, ngl. You're just so girl coded it's precious
Damn go off lady, if that's how it makes you feel that's you it makes you feel.
Even if the other commenter was trying to sincerely be nice, you got every right to feel that way.
(Spoilers, obviously)
All the TADC characters are ::: spoiler Tap for spoiler digital snapshots of people, and in jax's case she is a snapshot of someone on the worst day in their life ::: so it's really only natural that jax is kind of a pos. We've all been there and it isn't really Jax's fault for being stuck there.
