Omega
WomensStuffSo, my last post was a complete shit show. I had no idea it would get this much attention. Not necessarily happy that it did.
First off, to the moderation team, please accept this hug from this trans bunny girl right here. Because damn it, do you deserve it. I'm so sorry for what happened, I do kind of feel responsible and I'm worried that by posting this, I'm going to make things worse.
Second, it is astounding the amount of entitlement that so many men feel. In this thread, I've seen lots of dudes being offended but what was more striking was: A bunch of guys being told about the rule, AND DOUBLING AND SOMETIMES TRIPLING DOWN!
When I wrote this post, I was thinking of adding a huge: "Please read the rules before commenting, this is a women only space" and I didn't do it, I didn't want to overstep the boundaries of the moderation. I would change that, looking back.
You know what kills me about all of this? It's that, as a transfeminine bun, the typical trans-misogynistic shit being thrown my way is that I'm just a guy disguising myself as a woman to invade "real women" spaces, to which of course, the answer always is: Guys don't need to put in this much effort to invade women spaces, they just walk in like they own the place and it's enough.
This post was yet another perfect demonstration of that. And men can't understand, they just can't, because they don't go through it, they don't know what it's like, they never even have to think about it. Women are being excluded passively all over the internet, but the second there is a women only thing, we have guys constantly trying to brigade it and to destroy it because taking all the space already isn't enough.
A woman can't express herself online without being bombarded with reply guys telling her that she's wrong, that she's exaggerating, and don't forget the usual dudes insisting that they're part of the good ones. And god forbid if you're expressing your frustration in a way that might be a bit too generalizing or angry, because of course "#NotAllMen", a guy will say proving exactly that yes, it is all men. It's not hating an entire group, it's not being misandrist, it's just drowning in misogyny and being rightfully pissed off about it, but we can't even have that.
We're never allowed to be ourselves, we're never allowed to be vulnerable as women, we're never allowed to vent or be upset at the shit that we have to endure from men all the time, we just have to take it. All because the average dude's ego is both so enormous and so fragile that he can't accept that it's not about him, or even begin to understand that he might be the problem here when he's been repeatedly told that this is not a space for him.
It's incredibly disheartening. Because when it works, I love this community, it's a safe haven on the internet. But the second we dare to talk about more than: "I love being a girl!" and go into something along the lines of: "Misogyny is crushing to deal with", things spiral out of control and we have to deal with yet another stunning example of men barging in, seemingly desperate to prove the point.
In the beginning I said this:
I'm worried that by posting this, I'm going to make things worse.
You see this? This is exactly what I'm talking about.
I didn't write it to prove a point, I wrote it because I'm genuinely worried about this. Because I have to actively be careful about what I do, what I say, what I wear, what I show, as to not attract the ire of misogyny. All the time. It's always in the back of my mind, it's a never ending anxiety. It's something that men, even the most well meaning ones, can't and will never be able to understand. I just wish they'd be able to accept it and to believe us.
EDIT:
IT HAPPENED HERE AS WELL! We had a guy come in, knowing full well he was breaking the rule, but he wanted to share his "personal experience", his opinion. In other words, fucking mansplain to us why this keeps happening. He couldn't help himself, he just had to share his unsolicited opinion because he is just that important as a man. I have people asking me all the time why I only hang out with trans people and women, and it's simple: They respect my fucking boundaries!
You shouldn't have to deal with this bullshit at all, girl. I don't get why people get so butthurt over a woman saying she's a woman. You shouldn't have to fight to prove what should be obvious.
Fuck terfs, fuck the patriarchy, support your fellow gals.
Ngl, I feel like that guy in the gif who went out for pizzas and returns to a burning house.
This has been my experience these last three days on the internet and with my last two threads, yeah.
My dude/dudette, the internet is a POS sometimes. Lemmy is a bit like a Venus fly trap xD you walk in and think everything is fine and then BAM you land yourself in a nest of crazy.
If I could, I'd reach through the screen and drag you with me into one of the local forests in my area, and we could just walk and chill. That shit is so calming, and you sound like you need a break from all the bs.
Hope you don't live in a desert. Might not be the most thrilling thing to go for a walk in one of those xD But yeah, if I could, we'd be stumbling over some tree roots and talk about birdcalls and movies we want to watch this year and both totally agree that clegs are devil spawn and that the lemon and strawberry combo is peak in literally everything. 🤌🤌
~~...you really had to call the trans woman a dude, couldn't help yourself, could you~~
~~I'm so fucking done~~
EDIT: False alarm. I'm just being an asshole because I'm on edge.
What? That's not how I meant it. I call everyone dude, but in case you'd prefer dudette, I added that one.
I didn't try to offend you, but sorry that it hit a sore spot. That wasn't my intention.
I see. Well, piece of advice, don't ever call a trans woman a dude or a dudette. I understand you call everyone that but in the future, make exceptions. That shit really hurts and its a conversation many a trans woman around me has had to have. :(
Sorry for the strong reaction.
Thanks for the heads up! I'll keep it in mind for the future (the tomboy in me done goofed) and don't worry.
I know what it's like to be on your toes and feeling like everyone is out to get you after many bad experiences, so it's all good.
Personally, I learned over time that most people are actually pretty nice and those who aren't, don't have to be in your life. I mean, duh, but it's always been important to me to believe that every person I meet is good until they prove otherwise. Makes it a bit easier to not be fearful. And I mean, I'm sure our lives are super different in many ways, but I have also been through some crappy shit that made me fearful of other people for a bit, so I understand your reaction even if I was a bit confused at first 😅
I hope you have a lovely day, my friend, and seriously, it sometimes helps to just take a break from the internet when it becomes too much. I do that once in awhile too and it helps a lot. Hug!
But seriously, and this is the most critical thing: lemon and strawberry combo. Yay or nay? I need to know! >:D
Unfortunately, I have deep sensory processing issues due to autism and especially with my tastebuds, so I'm extremely limited and what I tolerate and trying new things is always scary. So I can't say I've tried this.
I will say this though, everything raspberry flavored I tried in my life I hated, so... :P
Thanks for your excellent rant!
I hear your anger, but please remember don't show hostility to a group
Absolutely not. We don't generalize, here.
Yeah
With this post I can see critical thinking is not allowed.
More than that. There is no critical thinking.
A woman is a woman, a dude who dress up as a woman is still a dude
Womensstuff has absolutely zero tolerance for anti trans remarks. Our trans members are much valued members of our community who 100% belong here. You do not and you are banned.
Transphobes can gtfo.
Enjoy your incoming ban.
Comment was up for 21 minutes before banning. Endless love to anyone that saw it and was hurt by it ❤️
You were so fast, thank you so much!
I'm aware I might be annoying to some by speaking out against these instead of just reporting to the mods. But I want our other members to see that no one here will tolerate that kind of hate.
As always, let me know if I'm overstepping in here ever. I love this place.
Please don't ever stop doing that. I saw the message. And being the author of the thread, who is openly trans, I received it straight in my face. I've been targeted with misogynistic and transphobic harassment for the last three days in different places of the internet, and I'll tell you this, there is nothing more painful then other people just letting it happen and seeing that behavior not being called out.
Can't stop, won't stop then! I also have a huge target on my back on this site, so I'm really not bothered to continue to piss off bigots by calling them out.
If you ever step out of line we'll tell you. And I understand I'm usually really pleasant even when banning, but that comment needed zero tolerance.
They literally made the account 22 hours ago and this is their only comment...
The fact that they went through all of that effort just to tell me that I'm a man is... I can't put myself in the shoes of someone with that mentalities. It just completely escapes me. This isn't the first time I receive targeted harassment like that on Piefed....
Either a troll who lives off making people's lives miserable, or a right wing nut who lives off making people's lives they consider inferior miserable.
They're probably avoiding a previous ban.
You know where men can talk about this?
In any other community than the one we have built for women and anyone else who is not a man.
I appreciate there are difficulties with navigating the world as a man. I have many wonderful men and boys in my life that I care deeply about and would defend to the ends of this earth. But this isn’t the space to talk about them.
I have to admit it’s low-key enraging to see you comment about the traumatic nature of growing up male in society as a defensive argument here. I had to take a minute to temper myself before replying here. And I don’t want to hear your response unless it’s in a DM or you start this topic in a different community that’s more appropriate.
I am tired of having to set aside my time here to hand hold men who can’t read rules. I don’t want to coddle men who wander in here looking for support just because we’re women and that’s what we’re supposed to do - take care of men
It leaves a bad taste in my mouth even though I’m incredibly empathetic to the male struggle.
Time and place.
You're way too aggressive to hold any meaningful conversion and I'm literally on your side lmao. I advise you to go touch some grass ngl
You’re way too aggressive to hold any meaningful conversion and I’m literally on your side lmao.
So called allies the moment you give them some push back and tell them to stay in their lane. Thank you for yet another fucking reminder of why Rule 1 exists and of why it is simply not possible for us to allow men to talk in our spaces, the same way we can't let cis people talk in trans spaces. Because literally, this always happens. Always. You come in, take all the space and suck all the air out of the room.
My reply to him was so tame, too. It really makes them look incredibly reactive and sexist to react that way.
Hi Dr Moose, unfortunately you continued to comment despite being warned, and made derogatory remarks to members. Due to this you're banned. Have a lovely day ❤️
You couldn’t even send a DM or choose to not respond, could you?
Had to get one last manly fucking word in. Just couldn’t fucking help yourself. You’re not on our side at all. You don’t care what we want here.
I wasn’t aggressive at all.
enjoy the block list. Crazy.
YOU: I'm a feminist
A WOMAN: This is a woman's space, please go away
YOU: [MISOGYNISTIC SCREECHING]
Every fucking time.
Fuck OFF
Thanks so much for your support! We are women only so please don't comment again but I'm leaving your comment up as it's supportive 🥰
sorry didn't know, just saw the post on the front-page. Godspeed!
I was giving you the benefit of doubt, but goddamn. THE FIRST RULE IS EMBEDDED AS AN IMAGE IN THE POST.
Now I know for a fact you ignored it so you could shove your manly opinion down our unwilling throats.
Thanks for that.
Bro, that's what the post is all about and I even put the image, what the fuck more can I do! 😭😭😭
You just called me aggressive and crazy. Get the fuck out of here.
Well one good thing (debateably I suppose lol) happened because of it, I found out about this community. Hi ladies <3
You're not the first one to reply to this thread saying this. It was so worth it, then. <3
I can say the same, tbh. I think I found it on All when I already saw the latest posts on my subscribed. Thank you for the post, we will get through it all together <3
Hey you! Happy to have you join us 💕
I know more women who take issue with trans than men.
"Trans" is not a noun. Do you mean trans people? Trans women? Trans fats? Trans formers?
And i know more men. What's the point here? "Pick me, i say words"?
Can you explain your thoughts? I'm not sure what you mean.
He’s talking about terfs. Who are explicitly not allowed here so it’s whataboutism at best.
This man has a history of rape denial as well.
Oh, so it's just transphobia? Good, I was missing this specific type of bullshit on this post.... <. <
No TERFs allowed here. Read the rules.
I know you. “Rape culture doesn’t exist”
Ugh, the #NotAllMen bothers me so much in a women's space too.
Like. Dude. We know! We all know that it's not all men. Nobody's trying to say that it is all men.
But it's some of them. So we hold our purses a little tighter and walk faster towards the car in the parking lot at night. So we avoid being out alone when it's dark. So we carry our self defense methods, and we stay wary.
Not because it's all men, but because it's always men.
I think it's important to draw a hard line on this question and say that, no, it is all men.
Every time a dude says #NotAllMen, they're just proving the point. It's like "ACAB". Yes, all cops.
It's not about the individuals, it's about the institutions and systems that protects and enables them. It's about the fact that all men are raised and educated to be like that, in a world that is constantly pushing and reinforcing them to be like that. It's not about the fact that all men are murderous, rapists, misogynists. It's that they have the potential to be because society treats them favorably for it. And it's about the fact that to any random women out there, there's no telling the difference between if it's the apple that's rotten or the tree, nor does it matter if at the end of the day, eating an apple is like playing russian roulette.
Rules have exceptions, they don't change the rule. It's an uncomfortable reality, but a reality nonetheless.
I don't know if ACAB is an appropriate comparison, as one's career is chosen whereas one's gender is not. So it seems unfair to say "all means all" over something that people have little or no control over.
I'll amend my opinion when quotes like "Every woman knows another woman who has been raped, but no man knows a rapist" stop being relevant.
I hate that this is true. One of my defining moments in becoming a feminist was when a guy literally climbed on top of me at a party, trying to make out while I yelled at him to stop. Men who were right there didn't believe anything wrong was happening, except when I started beating the crap out of him - then I was the crazy one.
If they can't see what's happening right in front of them, how can I be surprised they don't believe rape victims?
While I agree with the sentiment, my main pushback is that it's important not to assume all of the individuals are at fault (even if they do benefit from the system) when interacting with them.
There are some incredible men out there, fighting for the rights and equality of women, and I commend them for it. Others are complete asshats who don't deserve the time of day, and barely deserve the air they breathe.
To me it's a matter of... Yeah, guys. We know it's not literally all men, but somehow it's always a man.
until #notallmen becomes a flag planted in the sand used to say "no. I refuse to be part of this system" it's just a derailing tactic.
It's pretty simple. My mom always told me that men don't understand the word No.
They really don't. It's the common thing I have with all of the guys who came up to me in the street to flirt with me. How hard I had to push for them to understand that I was saying no, without outright telling them to fuck off.
What you're saying -> No, I'm not interested.
What they're hearing -> She's playing hard to get, I should try harder. She just needs to see the real me and she'll turn around.
Yes, this is a pretty universal problem with predominantly women-only spaces that are also advertised as such. This is a recurring issue on twoxchromosomes back on reddit, and why so many of those communities end up creating splintered invite-only spaces instead. Same thing with the Tea app from a while ago.
As you said, men can't help themselves and insert themselves into these communities. In the case of invite-only spaces, unfortunately they do also try to sneak in which causes so many problems of enforcement and "proof". Public spaces are of course the most inclusive, but also attract the worst kind of men like a lighthouse
It's hard to ask for proof of womanhood without instantly becoming a highly transmisogynistic space and thus, a haven for terfs, sadly. And the fact that we even have to consider that we may need proof because men can't fucking themselves is... I mean, you read the post, I'm not going to repeat myself. :(
I’d much rather deal with a few assholes than start requiring proof personally. There’s such a large swathe of people who are welcome here that it wouldn’t do much good anyway! Which you noted with the terf issue.
I get to practice different creative ways of telling the jerks to find their way out of here that way, too haha
It's so much fun when you just don't care :D
It its any consolation your original post barely made me raise an eyebrow I just took it as factual and went on with my day.
Disappointing but wholly unsurprising people took offence.
The mod team has been far too kind.
No first chances. Ban them on sight.
It makes no sense to allow only certain demographic for the community, since one one even sees rules when on mobile devices, and sometimes you don't even look what community you're commenting in.
So you're just blindly assuming you can talk shit anywhere you please as you please.
Sounds like a you problem
It’s not women’s fault that you don’t look at which community you’re commenting in.
as a nonbinary person afab, i wrote one comment here and then felt guilty. thanks for the clarity, i cant believe some peoples entitlement!
Eyyyy welcome fellow nb.
Hey mate! Mod here. Non binary, trans men etc are 100% welcome here ❤️
Oh thank you, for saying that. I sometimes want to reply on comments here, to be an another voice against all the misogyny and transfobia, but as an masculine presenting enby I feel like I am invading even doing just that. I have lived half of my life as a woman, and the other half as a man, so I am totally trans, but also just an enby, that manages to fit in a gender role enough to pass - so permanently in a weird position, where I do not belong anywhere, yet have experienced all sides. But I just hate how much misogyny lemmy is filled with! Makes me mad!
OP I'm so sorry you had to become part of these hateful prick being asshats, it definitely was not your fault in any way. They are just terrible people.
You're welcome, and if here is somewhere that fits you, we'd love to have you
You are more then welcome here! 🫶
If its any consolation, we never knew this community was a thing till we saw this, sorry that things blew up :(. If its alright we’d also like to join too :3 -Trans Doggirl lol
Aww, of course it's alright! Come on in puppies, you'll all be loved here! <3
Thankies, we’ll be around x> Actually might post a question in a bit lol
Please join us!! You’re more than welcome in this place :)
Yippiee!
Go to therapy or something. This is just an internet forum.
Yeah, it's a internet forum where women can vent and rave about whatever, and get to feel heard, without being berated.
And maybe you feel like it's unfair to be excluded.
And, well, look at your comment. You felt very empowered to say this, the way you did, in the space you did, with the context you had, for some reason. Why?
Why is it sooo a-okay for you to diagnose a psychological issue just for someone, on the internet, telling you they don't want to hear from you?
And yet you're desperate to insert yourself. Validation issues much?
I am going to therapy, thank you very much. You ok, there?
Ohh a downvote! Tasty! Cry more for me.
You really, really want our attention so go ahead and cry your salty tears about women protecting our space.
Cry harder.
The single downvote on this comment is sending me hahahahaha
Haha yep
Because of the "I stumbled in from 'all' not knowing what the community was" problem, I wish there were a way to make it more clear to potential commenters what the rules for participation are. As others have mentioned, the admin team should be implementing more controls for mods (based on what exists on other platforms, we're not asking you to reinvent the wheel here!), but what else can be done in the meanwhile?
While I hate to put the onus on users, one thing that could help is including "This is a women-only community; read the rules before you comment!" statement in the text box of posts. (I'm not very familiar with what mod tools do exist... Is there a way to make an automated comment pinned to the top of every thread that says this so that users don't have to remember themselves?) This would at least help prevent "accidental" intrusions, and permit more aggressive responses to anyone who goes and posts against rules anyway.
We went through a stage of putting "women only community etc". Sadly it became a red rag to a bull and we got trolled more, and worse.
Considering a post literally listed the rules in a giant image and still got dogpiled ...not seeing the rules isn't the problem.
They're always gonna have problems with a space existing that isn't for them. So push back.
Every other community requires their rules to be followed to participate. Why is this community seemingly unique to the rest of the fediverse when it comes to ignoring the rules?
I don't want to baby or mother these users who can't read the rules. I don't want to remind them, pre-emptively hold their hand and give them a heads up that they have to follow the rules they agreed to follow when they made an account here. I have to do this with my child in the real world, I don't WANT to do this for grown adults here on the fediverse.
And I'm not coming at you with this. I'm just frustrated that our little community seems to be the only one to have to deal with this. And we all know why.
Sure every community has their rules, but they're usually things like "don't be a dick" that dictate etiquette forcontent. There are very, very few communities that restrict who can post. (It's basically dead now, but I was founder and mod of one of them, but even that community's rules were basically, "we're looking for the opinions and perspectives of a certain demographic" not " I'm trying to create a safe space here and by participating when you shouldn't you're actively hurting other users," because at the end of the day it was just a hobby community and if someone who wasn't supposed to post/comment did it wasn't actually a big deal.)
"Only a specific demographic can participate here" is not a limitation I'd expect other users to anticipate. Fuck the mansplainer lower down in the comments who was trying to justify his participation, but he was at least correct that users basically never think to read the rules for a community before commenting (I know I don't!).
Well...they kinda do
I mean you don't have people trampling into a community about flower picking or wood carving with random bullshit. And the comm name is a pretty good marker of what the content is. Uusally you see a comm name, see it's not for you and skate on
In our case they just dont care because we're devalued and disrespected by default
Restricting the demographic who can post isn't common here on Lemmy, but there are a lot of individual rules about how and what to post and comment. Posts to a community, at the very least, need to be on topic. Beyond that, some coms don't allow abbreviations, one word replies, or even one sentence replies. The men's com doesn't outright ban women because we're too small a demographic to be an issue, but the wording dissuades women from posting. That's to say we're not the only community where someone needs to be aware of the rules to comment.
I read the rules, but I'm not going to use an "If everyone just..." argument, because never in the history of the world has everyone just anything.
That said, the main issues are with men who either read the rules and ignored them, or with men who respond to rule reminders with tantrums, shattered egos and accusations of misandry. Most dudes respectfully appologize and/or delete their comments.
....I read all the rules of a community before I post a comment or article.
The men who accidentally post here who aren't sexist seem to have no problem with discontinuing commenting once they realize the rules. I don't know what the solution is though.
Edit: Other sites are able to have women's groups just fine. I hate to bring up Reddit because most of us probably hate it, but there are plenty of subreddits that are for specific genders or specific groups. I'm sure their moderators have to work pretty hard as well, but I don't want to give up and not have a women's group here because it's difficult to restrict a group based on gender.
All that is true. However, I like that this is the one place where I'll be backed up if I tell a dude to get the hell out.
It's the one place where I know I'll have people protect me as well. It's why it matters so much to me.
Then I've got your back, too.
I love seeing you pop up in discussions outside of womensstuff. Know that I've always got your back lol
Same here.
Your post is most welcome here and I hope you continue posting. I want to hear your voice and every single person who wants to be here. I want to hear you, celebrate you, maybe debate you in a friendly way, and support you here.
I’ve been on the broader internet for a long time. I’ve seen a lot of this kind of behavior. It’s a real problem on Lemmy, more than some other online spaces. More than most of the men who participate here want to admit.
They’ll celebrate how Lemmy is so much more progressive than Reddit, then the mods turn around and allow men to muse about 14 year olds and their “consenting nature”. They’ll yell at you to be more leftist, then claim there’s no gender war, only class war. They get very, very offended to hear any voice that doesn’t sound like theirs. It’s almost a relief to run into a conservative because at least they’re upfront about their desire to subjugate me.
I hope none of us stop posting and not just in womensstuff either. We can shape these spaces to include us. We can be stubborn and take our space, assholes be damned. We deserve this place. You deserve a voice here 💕
It's because Lemmy / Piefed into the Free and Open Source Software world. The FOSS world has a massive culture problem that it just refuses to see.
There's actually a really easy fix to this brigading problem, but the jackasses who make Lemmy won't implement it.
Member-only postings. Just a little drop-down that reads:
- only members may read
- only members may reply
- public post
With a default set by the group owner and perhaps the ability to turn off public posts entirely for a group. But they don't implement this. They instead make sure that every emoji known to humanity can be accessed with colon-codes.
Because that has priority over community health.
But men own the internet and they should be allowed to participate wherever they want, otherwise we're misandrists /s
They’ll refuse to be shown the culture problem as well. The backlash I’ve received is incredibly aggressive and persistent.
Such a shame.
It's filled with far-right dipshits who keep talking about not making it political, when they're very existence in our spaces is poisoning our projects and are value. We need more politics, more education, more inclusivity. The "no politics" is just a doormat that welcome Nazis to lockdown the space with their own politics that they just label "common sense".
Just really wanted to thank you for these beautifully encouraging words with my first comment over here <3
Welcome Eskarina!! I'm so happy to see your username and I'll keep an eye out for you going forward :)
Love this comment and your contributions to this community
And I love yours!! You're such a ray of positivity, I love all of your posts and you're a great mod. You really add a balance to this place.
A woman can’t express herself online without being bombarded with reply guys telling her that she’s wrong, that she’s exaggerating, and don’t forget the usual dudes insisting that they’re part of the good ones.
Also... did you miss the point of the entire post?
No. I don't think so. Brand new account, made today, after this post was created, with only ONE SINGLE INTERACTION, it being this, breaking rule 1, to me it's pretty obvious that you're doing this on purpose. You got banned on your previous account and couldn't take it, didn't you?
Fuck you.
I'm so done with this bullshit.
Un-fucking-believable. I swear to god...
The last thing she wants is to see your name in her inbox again.
Fuck off.
God I love you. Thank you.
<3
THERE IS A BIG IMAGE STATING THE RULE OH MY GOD, THIS IS WHAT THIS POST IS ALL ABOUT ;___;
This is absolutely positively NOT your fault and you have absolutely nothing to apologise for. Those types attack us whenever they feel like it...we're women and have lots of trans members, plus we have some LGB AND non white people (oh the horrors!!) So they hate us.
We had a glitch on piefed so couldn't ban people otherwise it would have been sorted sooner. I'm just sorry you had to deal with all that shit
It bothers me so much that they just can't keep themselves out of women-only spaces. I get major imposter syndrome (despite being on HRT, and being 99% out), and then actual men break the rule. It makes me feel... I'm not sure. It's upsetting, that's for sure.
I'd once again like to acknowledge, and appologise for the fact, that I made a... not-so-great comment, which caused a fair amount of trouble.
There is nothing to apologise for they shouldn't have been in the thread to read the comment in the first place. They come here and attack us just for existing it's utterly wrong
I agree that what they did was wrong. However, I still shouldn't have made such a comment. It was bigoted, to say the least.
Meh. I've said similar things (even here) when angry. A little talking to by @LadyButterfly@LadyButterfly@piefed.blahaj.zone and I sheepishly delete it and it's all good.
Can't be mad at you for doing the same.
It helps to know I'm not the only one to've made such mistakes.
- You can let yourself feel angry or frustrated abiut this, because men are invading a space made for you. This is a space for women, so it's your space.
B) Unless you were specifically trying to start a fight, you don't need to apologise for adding a reply.
- I don't think I quite feel angry (except on y'all's behalf), but more distressed. It makes me worry that I'm invading women's spaces. It still feels hard to believe I'm a woman, despite saying "I'm a man" feeling like a blatant lie.
- I wasn't trying to start a fight, but I did say things that I really shouldn't've; hence my apology.
Yes, what Velma said ... you belong here. And you're so obviously a woman, ffs.
Just the worrying about belonging here is enough for me to know they're a woman haha
"But what if I'm not a woman? I wanna be a pretty woman, but if I'm not really a woman then I can't, and that makes me sad."
—Me sometimes
Women are women even, and maybe especially, when we’re not pretty 💕
You’re valid even when you’re not all dolled up!
True, though I'd say all women are pretty; if not on the outside, then on the inside <3 (I might be a bit biased about that, though, since I do like women).
I actually really enjoy androgynous fashion too, and I don't know if that "counts as" pretty. I do enjoy a cute skirt or dress, though :3
Thanks :3
But also like genuinely what is the obvious part? (It's hard to see one's self objectively).
Just your whole way of writing ... as someone reading your replies it's blindingly obvious to me
It's the hearts and cat-faces, isn't it? lol
Nope.
How many hearts and cat faces do you see on my replies?
No, it's how you're expressing yourself.
You belong here <3
Thanks :3
on youtube, you can create rules that are shown when someone tries to comment on one of your videos for the first time
i feel like this feature would help with this problem if it was implemented on most clients
Given how 90% of the men who comment react when you point to the rules? I'm pretty sure it wouldn't help very much at all, sadly. We're talking children who were never told "no" in their entire lives reacting like the inner toddlers they are.
Yeah but at this point: Point, click, ban, move on. No need for endless cuddling of feelings or whatever.
I'm not sure anybody would ever accuse me of coddling the whiny turds of the manosphere.... 😂
I didn't mean to make it seem like I'm accusing you or anyone, I apologize.
Oh, I didn't take it as that! I just saw an image of me being nice to a manosphere loser in my head and started laughing.
It would make banning them from the comm easier.
I’m so sorry for what happened ...
Honey, please never take the blame for the actions of others. The others either knew the rules or were quickly apprised of them. It was their choice, not yours, to comment where they knew they were not welcome. The blame falls on them, not on you.
This acidic sexagenarian appreciates your posts and your insights. Please don't be chased off by the assholes.
as a transfeminine bun, the typical trans-misogynistic shit being thrown my way is that I’m just a guy disguising myself as a woman to invade “real women” spaces
FWIW this acidic sexagenarian appreciates your participation here and welcomes you with open arms; you've got it worse than cis women do and deserve a safe, welcoming space, which I hope this group is for you.
We’re never allowed to be ourselves, we’re never allowed to be vulnerable as women ...
I'm done being vulnerable (there's not enough time left for me to be so), so this acidic sexagenarian will go full berserk bulldog on your behalf so you can be as vulnerable as you like. My knives (both metaphorical and literal) are for you.
It’s something that men, even the most well meaning ones, can’t and will never be able to understand.
Some genuinely do. And the reason you never hear from them is because they, you know stay out of a women-only space. So the tragedy is you only get the open misogynists, the closet misogynists, and the utterly fucking clueless in our group. (But that post you linked to? Not a single one there fell into the last group.)
My SO gets it. He's on Lemmy too. Quite an active participant. And you will never see him in this space because he understands what "women only" means. And after I go off on a rampage in a post like the one you linked to, he's there to listen patiently as I gesticulate wildly and rant angrily about fucking idiot men. Without commenting.
Unfortunately, as I said, this means we only ever see the whiny pricks and sociopathic assholes.
I just want to add that there is currently a problem with our mod tools since we moved everything over after the hack. As a result, the mods are unable to moderate as efficiently as they could before.
Because they're normally so on top of things, that thread was a good example of what things look like when they can't moderate properly.
We're hoping to get it fixed soon!
You know what kills me about all of this? It's that, as a transfeminine bun, the typical trans-misogynistic shit being thrown my way is that I'm just a guy disguising myself as a woman to invade "real women" spaces, to which of course, the answer always is: Guys don't need to put in this much effort to invade women spaces, they just walk in like they own the place and it's enough.
This is one of the things I hate from most of men (with the usual exceptions). They can't understand the concept of someone feeling different from what they're supposed to according to the genitalia they got at birth. And even worse, as you say, is that they will feel entitled to every space but will have a problem if you try to enter (with a just reason) the same space they are invading.
The reason for this is the entitlement. They own the place (or so they think), so why can't they enter? And most importantly, why can YOU enter while they can't? I think the transphobia you suffer is motivated by this. They are pissed because they are excluded from a place where you can enter and they don't like it because this society never trained them to get a no for an answer.
You know what kills me about all of this? It's that, as a transfeminine bun, the typical trans-misogynistic shit being thrown my way is that I'm just a guy disguising myself as a woman to invade "real women" spaces, to which of course, the answer always is: Guys don't need to put in this much effort to invade women spaces, they just walk in like they own the place and it's enough.
preach girl preach 👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼
And god forbid if you're expressing your frustration in a way that might be a bit too generalizing or angry, because of course "#NotAllMen", a guy will say proving exactly that yes, it is all men. It's not hating an entire group, it's not being misandrist, it's just drowning in misogyny and being rightfully pissed off about it, but we can't even have that.
it's so frustrating - someone will post some obviously misogynistic shit and you'll take the time to explain why it's misogynistic and then a bunch of fragile guys will instantly start downvoting (not @rimu@piefed.social tho, he's single handedly the one #NotAllMen <3) and explaining how they're just misunderstood and are actually one of the good ones - my guys just take the L
how come most can understand when we say ACAB replying with #NotAllCops isn't defensible - yet those same people will unironically defend #NotAllMen as if systemic critique is specifically about them - to quote another ally: "either get with it, or get out of the fucking way"
on the broader point of the "angry woman" trope - the world we live in makes it impossible to escape this - so as The Feminist Killjoy Handbook by Sara Ahmed teaches us (a highly recommended read btw - again brought up to me by another ally (and to the men lurkers in here - this is how you help women not by defending yourself as "one of the good ones") - actions speak much louder than words)
anyways as I was saying: Sara teaches us that instead of running away from the trope of the angry "killjoy" we should embrace her - as she comes from a long line of feminists that have fought so hard to get us to where we are today and men have attemped to dismiss all of them by using that same trope - so use that righteous anger to keep up the fight and to always remember that you're not alone, never have and never will be 🫶🏼
The Feminist Killjoy Handbook by Sara Ahmed
My guiding light <3 Hahaha
how come most can understand when we say ACAB replying with #NotAllCops isn't defensible - yet those same people will unironically defend #NotAllMen as if systemic critique is specifically about them
I feel like part of the issue is that saying "kill all men" doesn't sound like a critique of the system.
Here's an example:
He didn't think that it was about the system that normalizes misogyny and instead took it as an insult directly. He is totally in the wrong here, but it's not hard to see why he took that view.
I personally really dislike "ACAB" and because it is often used to just turn a complicated topic into a bunch of infighting instead of actual conversation where things can be learned.
This comic perfectly explains both how something controversial like "defund the police" can just cause confusion and discord to someone unfamiliar when the second panel shows the often undiscussed meaning behind it which most will agree with
I'm becoming more and more firm on this, personally. Yes all men. Yes all cops. I'm tired and quite frankly done with cuddling people's feelings. We're talking about societal structures, systems and so on. People who want to understand will, people who don't want won't. Please note that I might be biased because men have been throwing a ton of shit at me lately, so I'm quite pissed off but holy shit, I'm tired of having to explain myself.
It’s really understandable to feel this way, especially after your last post and this post. It’s easy for it to feel like all of them when even the proclaimed good ones don’t treat us well either. Promise there’s good men though :)
I do hope you treat yourself a little extra kind tonight. Maybe an extra sweet or a favorite tea or whatever your pick is haha
I know there are good men out there.... It's frustrating to me that the "Not all men" discussion keeps being brought up even though focusing on the "good ones" is entirely missing the point of the argument in the first place. We're not talking about individuals, here. We always end up having to cuddle up men's feelings, even in women only spaces, I'm so exhausted...
Anyway.
I'd say this: Trans men are amazing and they constantly rekindle my love for me. <3
Eh would it help to view it as coddling my feelings as a woman married to a man and who has a son? That’s where I’m coming from when I say it and I feel terrible if I in any way made it seem like I was trying to “not all men” at you. Sorry to be dismissive, even if accidentally.
Acab is literally true. There are no good cops.
There are good men, and exactly none of them are getting mad at righteous expressions of anti-patriarchal rage in a women's only space.
Acab is literally true. There are no good cops.
I agree, my point is that the average uninformed person doesn't understand that concept (see 1st panel of comic)
I disagree, Rimu is fragile, defensive and frequently goes on banning sprees against anyone who questions them. They might not be a misogynist, but it doesn't make them a good person.
ah I dont know them that well then - I've just seen them hate tankies and have a decent stance on women's issues - I'll keep my eyes peeled - thanks!
No problem. I should have said I agree so much with the rest of what you said instead of jumping on that one thing. It's just my opinion from screenshots I've seen and personal issues with how piefed is run, so obviously you're free to make up your own mind.
Still, allies are allies, even if they've got problems. I'll keep an eye out as well, since I didn't know Rimu had taken a stance on women's issues.
I have been wonder if I am welcome to participate here. I am amab, but some time ago I decided to hand in my man card, because my god, some men can really suck and it would kill me to be associated with them. I wouldnt call myself trans or nonbinary, but rather „not a man“. is that what agender is?
anyway, let me know if I am welcome here, I do understand if not and this will be the last youll see me (unless I dont notice the community while browsing c/all, but I do my best I promise)
Hey catcus, mod here! Anyone under the trans+ umbrella is totally welcome
is that what agender is
There are different agender experiences. The LGBTQIA wiki has a lot of very detailed labels if you're into that. From the sounds of things, the label they'ld give you is apogender. Of course it's up to you what labels you use.
hey, thanks for the links. not sure if apogender is a fit for me, but Ill have a look around :)
I can only speak for myself, maybe the mods can chime in more specifically, but I think anyone who doesn't identify as a man can find a place here.
I'd refrain from comments that are coming "from a man" or sharing "a man's perspective" or comments that are disrespectful. But you want to share your Monday motivation and indulge in some respectful conversations about gender equality or what you're going to have for dinner tomorrow? I wanna hear it!
Per the rule, you are "free to decide if a women's community is a good fit for you".
Yeah, the constant amount of guys who flounce in makes me not want to comment or post much. I get it a bit, if you didn't read the community. But to double down instead of just a oops sorry and then muting or blocking the community if you don't want to do it again accidentally?
But they don't have to read the rules because they saw it on the all feed you know? And they don't have to listen when they are explicitly being told about rules because they are very special and if people don't see their idiotic takes society will collapse.
I agree totally, it's so exhausting to constantly deal with
Straight up: sometimes when posts from here make it to "front page" and/or are just upvoted enough my app shoves them at me - I want to make a comment and just don't realize the community the post is in.
I think it's like that for a lot of people especially because most communities and instances don't bar folks from posting based on their gender so it's not even something that would cross ones mind to look at rules wise (who reads those anyway?).
Speaking from personal experience there. But also, it's a good thing this space exists and I like the mirror being held up of "hey normally you don't even have to think about what spaces you're in" to us men folk so I say keep it up and you didn't do anything wrong.
Moderation team - go ahead and strike me down, I know I deserve it.
Edit: You're right guys my bad for pointing out why this keeps happening - I'll go ahead and block the community so as to not see any more content or "hear" what y'all are whining about today, my bad.
go ahead and strike me down, I know I deserve it.
You just had to force your voice in here KNOWING it's unwanted, unwelcomed, and against the rules. On a post where we are venting about this very thing happening over and over and over again.
Telling us you're an ally DOES NOTHING when your actions don't back it up.
You're right I'll go ahead and block the community so as to not see any more content or "hear" what y'all are whining about today, my bad.
What happened to your oh so very fucking noble proclamation of "strike me down i know i deserve it"?
And again.
Fuck dude. Why?
Do you think your voice is that important for us?
You can observe what we talk about without chiming in yourself. Did that fucking occur to you ever?
We’re not fucking stupid either. I know why you individually replied to each person here. So you can maximize the amount of times you break the rules.
You’re rubbing your rule breaking in each of our faces.
Fuck off.
Fucking hell you could 't even let her have ONE POST without having to make it all about your own faux nobility
You're right I'll go ahead and block the community so as to not see any more content or "hear" what y'all are whining about today, my bad.
Oh you poor widdle fuckin' martyr. You saw a big image that said " please don't comment here" did it anyway, got your arse handed to you and now you're throwing insults and a toddler tantrum. Exposed yourself for exactly what you are.
You got a whole fuckin' planet out there to pander to your precious pantaloons and pet your little ego and tell you your words have value by default. But in here? We don't want to hear it. Sucks for you
It keeps happening because men like you keep breaking the rules, not because we exist.
What the fuck.
You're right I'll go ahead and block the community so as to not see any more content or "hear" what y'all are whining about today, my bad.
What an ally you are. All it takes is women defending their space for you to turncoat and run. Good riddance.
Petulant, whiny, man child.
Thanks for throwing a temper tantrum.
Thanks so much for popping in! As you know we're women only. Have a lovely day 😘
Thank you for wording it so well -- brigading is exactly what it feels like. I can't believe how many self-righteous masc commenters are on this c/. It's gross -- and it's not just /womensstuff. I see it all the time with neighbours, randos in public etc..
