We appreciate her
(midwest.social)
CoupleMemesI'm a dude. I was in the Bahamas on a trip and there was a girl in our group who was a drop-dead gorgeous black woman. The Bahamian men were going ape over her. She and I were walking along the beach, and men kept coming up, asking if I was her boyfriend, and when I said no they'd start proposing marriage and shit.
She informed me my job the rest of the day was to say "Yes" if a random dude asked if we were dating/married/etc.
It’s brave to step in like that.
We gotta look out for each other in the age of misogyny
This is the dawning of the age of misogyny
Age of misogyny
Misogyny
Misogyny
So like... all the ages?
Yeah 😭
Is that really the best line? She has to leave to take advantage of it.
Maybe, “hey, how'd your husband's parole hearing go?”?
"Hello my dear friend, your excessively muscular husband is outside asking for you. They won't let him in on account of the firearms he is carrying. Oh hello fine sir, I did not see you there, pleased to make your acquaintance. I'm an heiress of the McDonald laminate empire (no relation hahaha), and have a black belt in karatay, charmed I'm sure. We know each other (pointing at the woman)."
I prefer this because it makes the physical threat more present and believable (and doubly so, bc of the inclusion of the black belt) while also establishing personal dominance.
That sounds much less organic and believable.
On one hand, there is a girl she would've wanted to accept the date and this would be blocking her.
On the other hand, it's genuinely much more funny lmao.
No, because if Girl A was interested she would have the option to turn down Girl B very easily.
Girl B is giving Girl A the option for a clean out, which is all that is needed to help someone out of an awkward situation.
It makes it clear what the random girl is trying to do, and allows the girlfriend to reply with anything from “not yet, let’s take a break over there” to “yeah I’m ready let’s go”.
How many times have you thought of the perfect response to someone hours after the fact?
It’s good that she stepped in to offer help at all.
It's so common the French have a two (or four I don't speak French or apostrophe) words for it. L'esprit d'escalier. Wit of the step stack hallway.
Hey we also say this xD
Treppenwitz meaning staircase joke
TIL, thanks for sharing
I guess we should just applaud?
It's good she said something, I agree. She could also have said something better, and mine came after about 7 seconds, not hours.
Could have left a better reply.
Wow don't be a dick, if you want a stranger's help to meet a standard get a contract signed and pay them
I guess you're just much better at responses than this made up woman in this meme format. Congrats?
My wit is but a pale shadow of this made up woman's courage.
You just had to make it known to us all how much better you are than her.
Applause all around.
I also salute your courage in defending her. Truely selfless act of sacrrfice. You are my personal hero.
Calling men out for their weird ego trips on imaginary women is just a fun little hobby of mine, what can I say?
I appreciated your comments and humor. Don't you dare give a damn to those comments and downvotes you're getting, have a nice day ;)
I'm pretty sure this happened days or years ago so you're way later than you think
It's better than no line I guess.
You all are celebrating something bad. It's bad to assume a guy hitting on someone cannot take "no" for an answer. It's bad to assume people cannot enjoy being hit on. It's bad to assume a guy willing to shoot their shot is a creep.
Ya'll are part of the loneliness problem. Do better and stop assuming the worst of others. You're not smart. You're not helping. You're paranoid weirdos.
Now, if the message said that this was after he was following her around the gym, then THAT is commendable. Though assuming all that off of, "hey you look good, want to go out?" is just ... sad. Sad untrusting society that's spiraling.
It's a fictional vignette with a contrived twist. You should argue that the boyfriend reveal doesn't make sense.
The original sentiment this is a variation on is showing up for a stranger who seems uncomfortable or feeling harassed in an unwanted social interaction by giving them an invented out. That's what most people are assuming the context is.
You make the point that not all men who hit on women at the gym are rapists/creeps, they just need to learn social norms. Well, this is a social norm: going up to a stranger with no context/prior conversation and saying "Your body part is appealing to me, want to go out?" Is not socially okay because it's perceived as leery and objectifying, like you're shopping for a car, not trying to form a connection.
Here's another social norm: Chat people up at the gym and see if they're even open to having a normal fucking conversation with you like you're both human beings. Learn something about them if they are. Then go from there.
TL;DR: Hit on people in a humanizing way, not in a creepy way.
How do you expect people to learn what is supposed to be normal if your reaction to the slightest misstep is to label them a creep and rapist?
You all are exactly why the conservative pipeline works.
Unfortunately, society is at a place where enough men have posed a risk to women that we are all a perceived potential threat.
And women are stepping up to protect each other. Instead of asking women to not step up, you should be asking men to step up and stop normalizing things like locker room talk and porn consumption, things that are proven to increase misogyny and dangerous attitudes of entitlement around sex.
Unfortunately, society is at a place where enough men have posed a risk to women that we are all a perceived potential threat.
It used to go both ways. Some men felt that they had a duty to protect women. But then they were told that that's actually misogyny, because actually women are strong and independent and can take care of themselves and don't need a man to protect them. So then the men who had respect for women let go of this idea where they're supposed to be protectors.
Meanwhile, the men who don't respect women haven't stopped. There just aren't any men left willing to intervene, because the ones who have have been punished and shamed for it.
So on the one hand, that makes women more vulnerable to the men who don't respect their boundaries. And on the other hand, it means there are less men respecting boundaries in the spotlight (seriously, you don't go viral by taking no for an answer; people only notice when it's something bad), which skews the perception of "men" in general towards "they're all dangerous."
Also, it doesn't help that people who advocate for women to learn self-defense get accused of victim-blaming (as if "be prepared and know how to defend yourself" is the same thing as "it's your fault because you weren't strong enough to stop it").
And on the other hand, it means there are less men respecting boundaries in the spotlight (seriously, you don't go viral by taking no for an answer; people only notice when it's something bad), which skews the perception of "men" in general towards "they're all dangerous."
This, and sensationalist 24/7 news channels that feed on ratings even before the concept of virality (in this context), are why despite the fact that while all kinds of violent crime (incl where women are victims) have been steadily declining since 1993, the general perception is that crime has increased instead. Not just with women either, the same mechanism plays a role in why your racist uncle "doesn't hate the blacks he just hates how they act. 13%/50% yadda yadda," and frankly "all men will rape you" isn't too far off from what it used to be, "all black men are Ne**o rape beasts" (bro I swear I didn't invent it that literally was a racist trope used against black men for decades), and yeah I guess opening that up to "all men are rape beasts" is technically progress, but it's far from ideal.
Good news is while women and uncles seem more scared than they ever have been, statistically they're actually safer than they have been in the past, so at least we've got that going for us. Fat lot of good it does for the division in this country but at least you probably won't actually be harmed by whatever race or sex you've chosen to be afraid of.
Porn consumption isn't proven to cause violent and aggressive behaviors In fact, the inverse is likely true, those who are violent tend not to have as many intimate partners and so will have higher rates of porn consumption. There are a number of studies that have found sexual violence and rape to be negatively correlated with porn use suggesting that having an outlet rather than bottling up their sexual urges is better. That being said, the content of the porn does have an impact, so it would be better to advocate for respectful and consent positive porn than to try and ban it.
I agree many healthy social skills need to be normalized among men.
Though normalizing assuming the worst of strangers is not helping.
Hitting on people at the gym is tacky. At best.
I agree. That doesn't make everyone who does it a rapist. Just someone that might need to learn better social norms and skills.
And yet when one complains "there's nowhere other than spyware apps and bars to meet people these days," the immediate responses are "go meet them at the gym" or "get a hobby" as if that's still acceptable. It's like the gen X version of boomers' "meet them at the grocery store."
People who tell you to get a hobby are only telling you step 2. Step 1 is give up.
The reason you hear "get a hobby" so often is because it works. But you're not told how it works and why giving up first is so important. Getting a hobby works because you develop a passion and skills, which are attractive. But it also broadens your social circle. You meet more people directly, yes, but you also make new friends. Friends who might just know someone who is single and looking and perfect for you. You think you're the only one who thinks apps and bars suck?
And the reason Step 1 is give up is because ulterior motives aren't really a good reason to pursue a hobby, and because that shit shows. You wind up being that guy at the D&D table. Desperate at best and predatory at worst, neither of which are attractive.
If someone shows an interest or sets you up with a friend, great! But that's no longer your goal. You've given up, remember? Better yourself and make more friends. You'll be more attractive and have more opportunities.
If it doesn't work, ok. Then some unc on the internet was wrong. Wouldn't be the first time. But it's clear that you're not satisfied with the results of your current approach.
Really tbh the best part is the assumption "oh you have trouble finding a committed relationship? Must be because you literally do absolutely nothing and have no hobbies at all, you're probably the only one who has figured out stasis." Like what do you think I just go into a coma? Sure work and sleep takes up a good majority of my time like anyone else but then after that I simply cease to exist until my next shift?
I'm also gonna go ahead and push back on the whole "give up" thing (and don't let me fool you, I have given up lol, but), women do not make the first move most of the time, if I expect to get any dates I'm gonna have to be the one to ask. Literally only one woman has ever asked me out (and I said yes I'd love to, and she short circuited and walked away without another word like "cool does Friday work for you" or any of the normal things you or I might say to a yes.) I have followed the "give up" advice but that doesn't mean I'm expecting to actually find love this way, I'm expecting to die alone and get eaten by my cats, I just hope I can provide them enough sustenance they can get rescued when my neighbors start smelling my body. Not exactly romantic but it's easier than dealing with the current dating climate (which everyone acknowledges is a nightmare until a guy says it, then he's an incel.)
And even if you've given up, looking forward to that future can still make you sad, you're still allowed to want to love and be loved, such is the human condition.
Damn, I feel you dude. I could have written this whole comment.
I agree with there not being anywhere else. But their suggestions isn't "go and start hitting on random people there", it's "go spend time there, make friends or at least make your face familiar, then you'll start hanging out with people or possibly date".
If people just started hitting on anyone everywhere then most people won't want to go to those places.
But even then (and that is how I make all of my non-work friends), I'm told it is uncouth to ask women out at these locations at all, as they just want to enjoy their hobby like everyone else, and there is legitimacy to that I completely understand that feeling and the last thing I'd want to do is make anyone uncomfortable. "But if she's giving you signals-" or is she just being nice? Probably just being nice, safer to assume that than act on it and now everyone at the card table thinks I'm creepy and I have to find new friends.
The secret here is to not listen to the faceless crowd about never asking people out or whatever. Don't be pushy but ultimately we have to talk to people in public if we're sincerely interested, even if they "might" (who knows?) not want to be approached. Just have to accept if they reject, and move on.
I'm never pushy that's for sure, always accept no for an answer. Like I said barely even give them the chance to say no cause I don't ask lol. (That sounds bad, ykwim dammit!)
Maybe you're right though, I should be less hesitant. Still hate to upset people if it can be avoided though.
Don't get me wrong, I need to take my own advice more often, but here it continues: You can't just worry about people getting upset if you try to talk to them. If they get upset, and you didn't even physically touch them or pressure them to do anything, it's probably not your fault (although could reflect on what to do different next time if you want) but that's when to just move on. People "could" get upset about anything in the world. Don't be forever alone because of the possibility of your existence upsetting someone
In that case it might be more constructive to say "There is no place that's good for just meeting people. You need to appear to want something else."
Another woman gave her an easy out if she wanted to take it - that's all. The woman didn't accuse the man directly of anything and she apparently left them alone once the offer was refused.
It's bad that it is so commonplace for this to happen that women feel the need to look out for one another in this way. I wish it wasn't the way the world is, but it is and it's not bad to try to protect each other.
You're not smart. You're not helping. You're paranoid weirdos.
Do you often express this sentiment to women trying to avoid being sexually assaulted and raped?
If they were trying to avoid a situation going south, sure that'd be helping.
Jumping to conclusions is NOT helping anyone.
Nobody was harmed in the meme. The men are OK. You can rest your weary head and stop worrying about misandry in the case of women looking out for other women.
Several layers of OK, since it's a made up story about a boyfriend pretending.
I make the assumption that it looked creepy, specifically because that girl stepped in. She had much more information about the situation, so almost certainly made a better call than anyone here could.
Well, and if the boyfriend is making a joke, he's going to overdo it for comedic effect, too.
No it's not bad to assume that, because some men are extremely dangerous. There's a medical term for what's going on, prophylactic.
Disclaimer: These are not my feelings. Actually I feel the exact opposite, I have simply inserted one word to hopefully illustrate why generalizing groups of people is actually not cool, even if it is a group that is supposed to be devoid of feelings.
No it's not bad to assume that, because some black men are extremely dangerous. There's a medical term for what's going on, prophylactic.
The more specific you get, the less it's a generalization and just prejudice.
If you want to be a clown about it, how about I make a change
No it’s not bad to assume that, because some people are extremely dangerous. There’s a medical term for what’s going on, prophylactic.
See but then that illustrates my point perfectly, at what point does it become "too specific" for a generalization? I'd argue you just found the line, while all of these statements are accurate:
No it’s not bad to assume that, because some people are extremely dangerous. There’s a medical term for what’s going on, prophylactic.
No it’s not bad to assume that, because some men are extremely dangerous. There’s a medical term for what’s going on, prophylactic.
No it’s not bad to assume that, because some black men are extremely dangerous. There’s a medical term for what’s going on, prophylactic.
The more specific you get the more fucked up it is.
Just as, I've been cheated on by three different women and raped by two other different women, so
A) should that make me distrustful of all women? Would it be acceptable for me to hate women now because of those things?
B) which would you say is less of a prejudice sentence, given my personal lived experience:
No it’s not bad to assume that, because some women are extremely dangerous. There’s a medical term for what’s going on, prophylactic.
No it’s not bad to assume that, because some people are extremely dangerous. There’s a medical term for what’s going on, prophylactic.
So, even having been literally raped twice by two different women, were I to actually hate women for it would I be celebrated as a strong independent man or would I be castigated as an incel? Should I start treating every woman as a cheater and a rapist, or should I continue to recognize that individuals are different than each other despite shared genetic characteristics?
Furthermore while we have now gone from the racist trope of the ne**o rape beast (real racist trope that was used for decades, look it up) to now all men are rape beasts, and that technically is progress, is that enough progress? Is that really good? I'm gonna be honest, I think you deserve to be seen as an individual, whether you think you deserve it or not.
You have a right to your own personal assessment of risk. You are entitled to your truth, in that you have experienced women being predators.
The statement that some men are dangerous, is from the women's assessment of risk, and the truth that they have experienced men being predators.
It's not about should. If you were suspicious of women, that would be valid. You don't seem to be accusing any and every women of having ill intentions. The statement that some men are dangerous is also not an accusation against any and every man.
All these comments saying "not all men" are just unhappy that they don't have control over other people's perspective. Like it's not occuring to them that other people can be wrong, and they can just be good intentionally despite that.
Go ahead and keep contributing to the world's problems by being a generalizing fool.
This is the same logic as the fucking morons that go, "It doesn't matter who I vote for, they're all corrupt" ... and then vote for Trump.
Implying men are entitled to have conversations with women if they aren't predators makes you seem like a predator.
People can talk to strangers in public, we're adults. If she tells him off then he should go away, but attempting to strike up a conversation doesn't make someone a predator. Entitlement has nothing to do with it.
Your attempt to conflate the two concepts is what I think this other commenter is trying to draw attention to (albeit ineloquently).
The attitude of "my intentions and want to start a conversation supersedes another's right to avoid one" is the one of entitlement.
You can't know how a person will respond to an attempt to start a conversation before you attempt to start one, so by your logic no one should ever talk to anyone ever.
If a person doesn't want to talk, they can say so directly (or more likely come up with some other excuse to evade it). But striking up a conversation in and of itself violates nothing.
The attitude that you are always in the right trying to have a conversation is entitled. Sometimes, you will be right, and sometimes you will be wrong. It's up to you to be respectful when you are wrong.
Who said anything about a conversation? This was an opener lame pickup line. Like I already implied in my original post, to assume they cannot take, "no" for an answer (and end of the convo) ... is to assume the worst in people.
Interesting how you're so willing to defend assuming the worst in others. Really says a lot about you...
Found the girl who got turned down
Risk/cost. Rape is bigger owie than ego bruise.
How is a guy talking to a woman in a public place the same thing as rape?
If the problem is "guy being a pig," then sure, let's focus on that. But assuming a guy is a rapist because he talks to a woman in a public place is a serious problem that you're making, and if you want people to take rape seriously then you shouldn't throw the term around so lightly.
This isn't about "ego bruise," this is about the very real concern of "people jumping to conclusions about men being rapists when nothing in this scenario implies such."
Not the ego bruise. The normalization of terrible assumptions is the bad part.
Have you tried not coming off all rapey?
I'm not sure they ever will
Have you tried not jumping to conclusions based on the worst possible thing you could ever assume?
You all are genuinely horrible. This is the same logic people use when they say, "It doesn't matter who I vote for, they're all corrupt", and then go on to vote for Trump.
Good job being part of the problem.
It's not like they threw a rock at the guy, it's just being safe. If you've been sexually assaulted before I'd think you would know that it's much better to be precautious if a situation is suspicious, sexual violence or even just harassment is not uncommon. Having experienced it personally I am happy people look out for each other in such a way.
Ooh ooh, I've been sexually assaulted!
So, both times I was actually raped by women (well, if I had done the same to them it would have been rape but since women can't legally be charged with rape the worst they could have got was a sexual assault charge, legally speaking. Did they? No, nothing happened to them, I'm told I was "supposed to enjoy it because they're hot and what am I anyway, gay?!") it was someone I knew at least as an acquaintance, not a stranger. Turns out that's more common for women too, so if they really want to be safe it's best to seek your local convent I guess and slap on a habit.
I've never been raped by a man (and could legally kill one if he tried, not the case with women, I could have fought off at least the first rape but then I'd have 100% went to jail and been charged with DV because people don't take kindly to defending yourself from a woman, better to lie back and take it than to deal with the hassle), but I have been annoyingly pursued by multiple gay drunk dudes who won't take no for an answer until way too many nos. Enough people seem to be conflating that (when men do it to women) in these comments so I guess I'll include it too, and say those guys sexually assaulted me.
Does that mean I should try and intervene any time a woman or gay dude hits on someone in my presence?
Looking out for each other is good, but people can and do take things too far sometimes, and frankly generalizing entire groups of people based on shared characteristics they were born with isn't a good look ever, it's not "it's bad any other time but fine to do to men, as long as you don't mention a specific color or sexuality of men." Black men have been fighting the ne**o rape beast trope for decades and I'm sure they're happy that race has been removed and now they're just regular rape beasts but it's still not great lol.
So no
don’t pickup women working out, nobody wants to be bothered while being all sweaty, unless the guy is really attractive, have you tried being really attractive?
Try accepting the fact that you will be single all your life, simple.
Well there is one acceptable place still, but unfortunately for some that means choosing between alcoholism and alone, and tbh ain't nobody got money to be an alcoholic these days unless they're real bad off slamming handles of Aristocrat behind a Denny's. But then that's not as effective as bars at the "meeting a partner" thing unless you're looking for a yegg.
Simply use dating apps that want you to never finish using them.
Don't forget paying them for the privilege of having my data harvested and sold to the lowest bidder! That's the best part I think.
If he is this bitter, it is already too late to fix realistically. He probably can't be dateable.
Privacy advocates who don't drink a lot and miss the third places that are dying off at an alarming rate are undatable? You're probably right tbh but that's not necessarily a good thing lol.
Clearly not.
i wish it was purely a joke but life isn’t fair
for the rest of us that might feel like the guy i replied to, find a mixed gender hobby that lets you meet on a semi regular basis
stop trying so hard to get laid / get a relationship and just have fun
(Different guy, but)
for the rest of us that might feel like the guy i replied to, find a mixed gender hobby that lets you meet on a semi regular basis
Ok so you can't ask a woman out (politely, respectfully, and if it seems like she may be interested) at the gym, but can at a "mixed gender hobby," but then I've also heard reports of not wanting to be asked out while trying to enjoy their hobby elsewhere.
Not that it matters to me, my hobby is walking in the woods taking pictures of cool nature shit, so they'd rather I was a bear and last thing I want to do is freak someone out, I'm more scared of them than they are of me (maybe I am a bear oh fuck.)
stop trying so hard to get laid
I don't try hard and I do get laid, I have a FWB that wouldn't work out as a relationship but who says we can't have fun?
get a relationship
Also not trying for that (at all really, it seems most people are scared of interacting without the assistance of paid spyware that I won't install on my phone, and I don't want to make anyone uncomfortable so as a guy I just don't really talk to women while out and about at all) but it would be nice to one day love and feel loved again, I don't miss the girl that used to anymore, but sometimes I do miss the feeling itself.
and just have fun
I mean, I do, what else is there to do? But people are capable of having fun and also feeling sad sometimes. I know I'm not supposed to admit we have those and yes I'm "lame" or whatever but this is a pseudononymous internet forum so who cares.
i get that reading the room can be hard for some of us but I assure you it is easier to tell when in a hobby environment than at a gym
that said do what you want but I’m not surprised people get weird over pickups in a gym
Full disclosure I do not go to the gym at all lol, but I'd believe that. Doesn't mean it's welcome in hobby situations.
the difference is in hobby situations you can start a convo about said hobby though you might still get shot down quickly, hopefully no one would be swooping in to save someone from a hobby convo
no promises though lol
the most successful guy i knew in college was sleezy as shit and just asked every women he met and just didn’t care what they thought about it
It's the kids who are wrong still huh? There's no hope for you guys.
That is in no way what that expression means. lol
You got some good points, people too often assume the worst and jump to defensiveness.
Because when women get caught off guard, we're stalked, raped, and/or murdered by men.
Women looking out for each other in subtle ways isn't the big bad issue in this scenario.
Nowhere did I say looking out is bad. The jumping to intervention based off of assumption is the bad part.
Ya'll are part of the loneliness problem. Do better and stop assuming the worst of others. You're not smart. You're not helping. You're paranoid weirdos.
Pardon?
It feels so good to know you are just better in a way than certain people, just allows you to go "Uh-huh, sure" knowing that you have better things to do, probably a decent future, and that you have done enough for society already, the accusations and offenses no longer matter.
The actually hateful people can burn in their self-righteousness. That's how you avoid being flammed.
Ok, I’m not sure if you’re agreeing with me or being sarcastic, ha.
To be honest, I don't even care who is right anymore.
