fossilesque
Science MemesIt's a valid emergency propulsion method and I'm sick of being told it's not.
One day I'm gonna save a space station, that will show them.
This website is complete junk.
NASA scientists says-
Shouldn't it be "NASA scientist says-" or "NASA scientists say-"
I'm dyslexic and not native English speaker so I'm not sure. But it sounds weird when I say it in my head.
Than about the other thing: the subject. Doctors say it's necessary to ejaculated at least once a week to lower the chance of prostate cancer. Also, not doing anything about being horny is fucked up. I'm wearing a catheter for 4 weeks (one and half weeks to go) and it sucks so bad. Every woman I see makes me horny now, whenever I see something sexy like a bikini in a commercial or 2 people kissing during a show, I get a woodie, which hurts because I had surgery on my eurethra. Every night, the entire night, I have a woodie. I know, because the pain it causes keeps me awake. The longer the horniness is cropped up, the worse it gets. I know astronauts didn't have surgery down there, but not jurking off makes many men bombs of cropped up horniness. It can also affect concentration and performance of tasks. Men need their relief. As do women.
So, NASA scientists, why don't you invent a seed killing, particle capturing jerkoff sock for astronauts. It sounds stupid but it's oh so important.
Edit: about the Grammer, I was right.
Also, what a slop website.
This is garbage
I wanna see the cumball formed by ejaculating in 0 gravity.
This is certified misinformation. Here's the fact check destroying it.
What the hell is wrong with their website? Even when enabling Java Script and Disabelung ad/tracking blockers it still won't load
Wrong attribution to NASA aside, I think all adults know that there is much more surface tension than water in errr...the rope. Thanks Raiderkev for that awesome rundown in the comments.
The quote has been misattributed: https://www.snopes.com/fact-check/masturbation-in-space-nasa-warning/
scientists says
This is not a serious publication.
I thought you were dead, but nice try, Kellogg
“Three female astronauts can be impregnated by the same man on the same session… it finds its way,” Smyth replied.
Not buying it at all... I'm not saying it's impossible but the odds must be astronomical (no pun intended) just for one pregnancy... not even in a million years. Life finds a way, I know, but come on!
No, it's true. Female astronauts usually float around up there with their twats out; spread wide open to air it out, and nearly every time a male astronaut blasts some rope, it floats straight to it obviously.
Semen from various astropervs just floating around in the capsule sticking to peoples' faces, getting in their hair, etc.
Also lady bits work like a vaccum, just sucking up all the stray dirt and food crumbs as well. Its why women are so good at staying at home.and vaccuuming, its literally natural.
(/s)
Doubly so when you consider space is a vacuum
Am I Pragnent?
Preganté. You has it.
gregnant
I had to look it up. It's still flippin' hilarious but holy moly it's 9 years old!!!!
I am. pregannenant!?
How is babby formed?
Dangerops, prangent sex
Probably
Well that explains all the masterbation
Im out there shootin tardigrades
women floatin gonna get some babies made
that's why I knew this rap was gonna be great
I wacked off in space and now my commanders ...late...
Space invaders: genetic boogaloo
well the article is from the future so we have to take their word for it
This article was originally published on 23 July 20222
Damn, that's already after the butlerian jihad
People venturing outside of our atmosphere are advised against pleasuring themselves in zero gravity.
The reason? Female astronauts could accidentally get impregnated by stray fluids.
Seems all they have to do is invent some kind of nutsack.
Is it just me or does this seem tremendously unlikely and easy to prevent?
The chances of a solar particle hitting your RAM and causing a bit to flip are tremendously unlikely as well, but there's hardware made to prevent that from happening (I realize ECC does more than that).
I propose funding for an aerospace cock sock that could keep everyone safe from stray nut.
All of the greatest inventions which revolutionized key aspects of our daily lives have begun in aerospace engineering.
Pens that write upside down. Ice cream that doesn't melt. Cock socks that don't leak and are easy to clean.
This is why we fund NASA!
Nut allergies strike again!
Stroke?
The NASA ScRoTE. Self-contained Repository of Testicular Ejaculate.
Receptacle*
These guys never heard of a "posh-wank?"
I never beat my meat at Oxford. What’s a posh-wank?
A wank whilst wearing a condom
With a condom is what I have heard. Expensive hence posh I guess!
That's when you eat your cum so you don't have to clean up right?
Thats just normal recycling
Yeah but you have a side salad with it
I could Google it but I’d rather hear it from you since, no, I have never heard of a posh-wank.
Have they actually done a fluid simulation, I still hold the position you can't bukake in space or microgravity as it where
Semen isn't gravity fed so I don't think the lack of it would make a difference.
Idk I think semen can have a little gravity, as a treat
I think the bigger problem is the female astronauts slonking around the cabin crotch-first
Female astronaut: Here I go clam slammin in the cabin.
Thought you couldn't get it up in zero G - and even If you could, we don't actually know if the mechanisms needed to ejaculate would function in zero G.
Getting hard is a matter of hydraulic pressure; don't need gravity for your heart to pump blood. And ejaculation is a mechanical action, like swallowing.
This article is bullshit taken from a comedian's joke.
As far as I know, everything would work fine. If it's something you can do right-side-up, up-side-down, or prone, and in each orientation it works exactly the same way, it should work in zero G. It's just hydraulics anyway. Not gravity dependant.
if you nut in space will it push you backwards
nutting thrust is nothing compared to the poop fart
And since penises are usually not that close to the body's centre of mass it would also impart some rotation, unless the astrowanker has very good aim.
Yes. That’s so you can catch it in your mount on the way around.
I don't think they let them masturbate while riding horses in space
Gravity 2 starring William Dafoe
Directed by Quentin Tarantino, full title - Gravity 2: The feat of space travel, which definitely isn't a pun.
Gravity 2: a cold wank
Depends which way you point.
Asking the big questions.
Great... Another job I'm not qualified for
It was odd that the question was at the top of the application form too!
I'm going to make a bet that most female astronauts are going to take hormones to stop menstruation. Which will also stop ovulation.
I mean there are other reasons why this suggested is invalid . See other comments.
But I'm also pointing out this one.
Oh cum on, it's going to be really hard to handle that. Mind you, I'd be more concerned about the stray 'liquid' getting into machinery and shorting something, rather than accidentally impregnating three women at a time.
Fortunately we don't have to worry about this yet as "This article was originally published on 23 July 20222".
That reads as "male astronauts should not mastrubate in space". So it's absolutely fine for a female astronaut to rub one out. It's not like she's going to be ejecting eggs all over the place. Think of THAT OnlyFans.
The female astronauts shouldn't have dressed that way /s
Female astronauts could accidentally get impregnated by stray fluids.
New fetish unlocked
Pornhub: no Problem, we deliver.
Pornhub getting into the space race would be a hilarious and welcomed turn of events. The rockets naming potential alone is worth it.
Fuck you, I'll shoot ropes up there!
Well everything needs to be studied conclusively but wow.
We might soon have a drug that stops sperm production. That would be welcome news for space gooners.
Edit: I just wanted to say "space gooner".
A male birth control pill has been right around the corner for like 30 years. I wouldn't hold my breath.
We already have drugs that stop women from getting pregnant from direct nuts, let alone stray ones. I'm not saying that female astronauts should go on birth control to let the boys blast rope, but this cannot be the actual reason.
Good thing NASA isn't my mom.
Well guess you have a better excuse than “I tripped and fell in to her”
A Nasa engineer named Smythe answered questions from Conan O’Brien on his podcast Conan O’Brien Needs a Friend in 2022.
man says funny thing on comedy podcast, more at 11
there is simply no way that nobody has had sex or masturbated in space. i know it's against the rules but they sent a married couple up there at the same time once!
By the same reasoning women should never sit on a single man's computer chair either.
Maybe they shouldn't rub one out using the chair as sloppy seconds.
Sounds like there might be an emerging market for fleshlight shaped jizz vacuums.
Imagining some poor horny astronut with suitcase sprawled out on the bed the night before his big flight. His inner monologue churning out scenarios, crunching probabilities of situations where he'd be caught in an embarrassing situation with his vacusuck 2000 as he repeatedly packs and unpacks it.
"Well, honey? You bringing your Thirsty Kirsty® or not?"
I think a female astronaut is less likely to get pregnant if everybody is allowed to rub one out when they're horny.
"Life finds a way"
That's an interesting confirmation that everyone on the ISS has no trousers on at all times.
What kind of psycho wears trousers at home
I'm not sure nofap is the only viable strategy. What about requiring vasectomy or unisex birth control?
Btw, porn in space is an unfapped market niche.
requiring vasectomy
Yeah definitely man. I mean if you wanna go to space why don't we jump to required castration while we're at it?
Imagine you just get a wet dream and all of the female crew gets pregnant of stray cum
That's got to be a fetish in the future.
I don't think there will be any problem if you do it with just one hand instead of two, since you'll need the other hand to hold onto something. Although they have all sorts of straps there, so the problem is completely made up.
On the ISS, they sleep in sleeping bags enclosed in a little padded soundproof capsule. I feel like you could zip yourself up, with or without a partner, and make it happen.
