63
Dort_Owl [they/them, any]
Movies & TVRemake Harry Potter- OK OK OK before you murder me just hear me out. HEAR. ME. OUT!
Remake Harry Potter and make it super queer. Think about it, The Harry Potter universe is about a magic society so make it so that the wizarding world doesn't give a fuck about sex and/or gender because they can change it so easily with magic that worrying about what's in peoples pants or how they present themselves became trivial to them centuries ago. Make Harry trans. Do it.
Now, because in this version of Harry Potter wizard society isn't awful, magic has pretty much freed everyone from scarcity and forced labor
That's right, I'm going to turn Harry Potter into fully automated luxury gay wizard communism
This, of course, requires a full rewrite of the story. Instead of being some boring chosen one story its just going to be shit like "Harry creates a golem with magic and has to deal with the philosophical and ethical implications of bringing life into the world" and stuff like that.
Yeah so basically Star Trek TNG but Fantasy instead of SciFi
Yes, yes, I'm a genius. I just de-libbed your wizardslop. Thank you! You don't all have to clap at once
imagine the line: "Yer a girl, Harry!"
Reminds me I need to finish reading Harriet Porber
do it and give all the profits to the fanfic authors writing better stuff than ever did
Food cannot be conjured from nothing. This is the first of the five exceptions to Gamp's Law of Elemental Transfiguration.
Good luck freeing the money supply from the monuments to Antisemitism.
I think you'll find that magic in Harry Potter is a little more like AI is today. The books strongly imply that conjured or transfigured items are not permanent or are of inferior quality. Reparo can fix a broken object, but it doesn't upgrade it. Ron is constantly getting hand-me-downs. Magic can maintain these things, but it can't magically generate the money to buy new, better-quality items.
Food cannot be conjured from nothing. This is the first of the five exceptions to Gamp's Law of Elemental Transfiguration.
So? They can wave their dick around and automate household chores, but can't automate a farm?
Good luck freeing the money supply from the monuments to Antisemitism.
Huh?
Ron is constantly getting hand-me-downs. Magic can maintain these things, but it can't magically generate the money to buy new, better-quality items.
What's preventing the Wesley's from automating cotton production and weaving? Or having magical sheers and knitting needles that make clothes on their own?
What's preventing them from yelling Alahu Akbar in a fireplace and becoming the most profitable shipping company in the world?
The whole magic world is the equivalent of that Turk who invented the steam engine and only used it to spin kebabs.
I found a YouTube link in your comment. Here are links to the same video on alternative frontends that protect your privacy:
Even Rowling’s magic is neoliberal
This would make for great portal fantasy to keep the DNA of the original. But you water down the premise with the golem story - ask me how I know.
For my money the wizarding world finds a young lady suffering from dysphoria -> takes them into the beautiful world -> and that world is besieged by an asshole. Then the transphobia is dissected and the premise of the easily changed body is used to make a point+access strength unavailable to the bad guy instead of being in the background. Then the sequels get progressively deeper into Marxism because of the insidious chud BBEG while only the curious and powerful trans MC can destroy the lies that threaten the wizarding world.
Let a trans reader feel centralized and effectual.
A remake of Harry Potter but it's just seemingly random camera shots of the Atlantic Ocean
(It's an alternate universe where the UK has gone the way of Atlantis)
Animaguses, polyjuice potions, and Tonk’s characteristics already play with human transformation and alchemy. I wish they’d do that.
well harry potter sure is much easier to make queer than it is to make it good
If we leave the author aside and just stick to the text, the main problems with Harry Potter are:
-
that it is derivative (which would not be a problem if it was good)
-
that it is stylistically lackluster (which could be fixed if it would not be written by a hack fraud - see the Harry Potter movies which are already better than the books because they were made by people who actually understood their craft)
-
that it is crawling with Blairite chauvinist brainworms (which are well-documented and which a queering of the text could easily remove) and finally
-
that it is horribly contrived, which results from the previous point - it's the neoliberal rot that leads to any problem being solved by a ruleslawyering gotcha and a return to the status quo. If it would be an actual queer text, that is, one in which the transgression of gender as an exploitative class structure makes the queer a revolutionary subject fundamentally at odds with the chauvinist status quo, the premise of Harry Potter makes us automatically arrive at a less contrived main plotline, which is the narratively productive, dramaturgically convenient condition of armed revolutionary struggle. JKR does not understand insurrectionary warfare, she makes the mistake of tackling that subject with a kind of shitty courtroom drama that takes place in the wrong setting and under a specifically made up set of bullshit laws.
The latter point would also require that focus shifts away from the MC and towards the insurrectionist masses, as we see in all kinds of media dealing with such a subject matter, from Eisenstein to Andor. This also has the potential to make the text itself better, as it broadens the focus and makes it easy to explore a wide array of different characters instead of centering a bland self-insert Chosen One going through the played out motions of The Hero's Journey.
it's the neoliberal rot that leads to any problem being solved by a ruleslawyering gotcha
This also reflects a deeper problem with how magic works in Harry Potter: by reducing it to rules you can learn, spells you can recite, and potions anyone can make if they just follow the instructions well enough, it ceases to be magical. It's just another technology, albeit one you need a certain gene to able to fully use.
To be appropriately magical, magic should have large elements of the unknown (maybe even the unknowable!), and use should come with risks and uncertainties. You're peeking behind the veil, you're tapping powers you don't fully understand. Make it too legible and it not only loses its luster, but invites the audience to endlessly ask "why didn't they just _______?"
you can systematically study any repeatable phenomena, and such studying is one of the few things i'm willing to claim is human nature. A story where magic only works sometimes, not under the control of the users, would just be god from the machine over and over and we'd find it rather boring.
But we don't fully understand the natural world either. Magic should have multiple competing schools of thought just like how science has multiple competing schools of thought. Like, there should be 4-elementists engaged in a bitter struggle with 5-elementists with a 5-elementism schism between true 5-elementism and 4+1-elementism.
If magic is totally random or up to the whims of some obscure power, I'm with you. I'm envisioning something more like taming a wild animal. You can be more or less skilled at it, but there's always some level of uncertainty and danger. There are parts of the interaction you don't (and probably never will) fully understand. Results are never routine or guaranteed.
shit of theseus
Remake Harry Potter and make it super queer.
That's just the original draft of The Owl House tho
Give Hooty his own show.
The amount of body horror would make Cronenberg sweat nervously, but it'd be glorious.
I just want the Owl House back
I love him so much. I would commit fraud for Hooty
chuck tingle has written a series of these books
And they were unironically good!
I mean this is basically The Culture series.
Maybe they copied me
polyjuice potion intensifies
Polyjuice potion for everyone!
The Culture but with magic, basically.
Haha no shut up this is totally original and I came up with it all by myself I am so smart
