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parentingThey are giving out their phone number to people they met on roblox.
The child is institutionalised, their parent cannot control their behavior meaningfully and the adults at the institution are pretty negligent and she doesn't trust them.
I have messaged like my whole family and some friends for advice but nobody is getting back to me.
It might also help to ask why she's giving out her phone number to strangers on the Internet. Talking to you about it might mean she's unsure about it herself. She might be very lonely. Does she have friends her age inside this institution? Or save friends outside who could chat? Is there a way to get her save real live contact with other children? Is there anyone she could write letters to? Or at least age appropriate books to read?
show her how easy it is to use that information to find someone
What's your relationship to the child?
Dude yes! Roblox is known to harbor pedophiles and child predators!!!
Any place famous for the presence of kids is gonna have creeps, I want her to be careful regardless of where she is on the internet. But yeah the hair on the back of my neck stood up when she said "roblox".
Stop that. They’ll thank you when they are old enough to realize how stupid they were!
I think you should try to talk to them about it directly and maybe if it goes really well then it's fine, but otherwise you should tell their parents and probably also the staff.
The institution may be negligent, but it's possible they will take this more seriously because it presents a liability to them if something happens.
Liability isn't really an issue here. I'm pretty sure given the circumstances the staff could literally stab the child and the parents wouldn't have much legal recourse. But you're right that this may be serious enough for them to act, but I worry that the only way they would act would be to remove her access to the internet and her phone and therefore her entire non-professional support network.
I'm going to tell her parents if she doesn't grasp the dangers involved or if she doesn't want to talk about it next time I have the chance.
In general, I'd explain to a child why this is a bad idea and try to get them to articulate to me why they're doing it.
There are some possible technolgical solutions I'm sure with phones that can only make or receive calls to specific approved numbers.
Okay so her phone is limited but it can be subverted pretty easily with apps, and the adults are negligent enough that she can flaunt that in front of them.
That's tough, and sad. Poor baby. Assuming you talked to the kid already. They trust you at least and that's good. If the parents are good parents (will handle it well and not be abusive) I feel like I'd want to know, if it was my kid.
You could also talk to the kid about this and say hey, this thing, it's really dangerous in a way you don't understand, and it's not really a secret I can keep. I have to tell your parents etc. and see how they react.
The parents aren't abusive, but they have little meaningful control over what the child does. They have limited visitation and can only talk to her on the phone for a limited time every day (This is technically supposed to be unsupervised but often ends up not being so meaningfully)
I tried telling her this is a bad idea, and even if it goes well this time it may not the next time.
Did you explain why also? This is important.
I think you need to tell the kids parents even if they can't do anything. And talk to the girl about why you feel it necessary to do so.
I tried explaining that people may not be who they say they are, but I don't think she really got the seriousness of that before she had to leave.
How old is this child? That plays a role in how blunt you should be
9 Almost 10
So they can understand that there are adults posing as children online to trick them and hurt them. Doesn’t have to be too explicit, but it needs to convey the risk
Yeah sounds tough. Thinking about putting myself in the situation of the parents, I would want to know so I could look into getting my kid moved. Like what the hell are they doing at that place
There's pretty broad agreement, so I suppose I should. The thing is that the parents have no control of her actions, they can't do anything to stop this except talk to her.
Like what the hell are they doing at that place
It is a scandal how poorly run this institution is. Which is why i hesitate to tell the staff, the only intervention I expect is taking away her phone, which would cut her off from her family.
Potential online abuse could be an outcome and that would be terrible, but having a serious talk with her about the dangers next time you see her could go a long way.
On the other hand, losing her only connection to the outside world in a negligent institution would definitely be terrible and could lead her down a very dark and hopeless path. Avoid that at all cost. The parents would probably just tell the staff and they would definitely just take her Internet access away and be done with it. Best case they talk with her when and if they can make time for that and that's something you can just do next time.
It is a scandal how poorly run this institution is. Which is why i hesitate to tell the staff, the only intervention I expect is taking away her phone, which would cut her off from her family.
What a bind this is, to put it mildly. That might actually be worse outcome than accepting exposure to online predators.
Ugh I tried to explain similar situation to my BIL (he's in his 40s but mentally 6ish from heavy childhood brain damage), he would not listen. He figures no one interested in his information so just putting it out is minimal risk. Nothing i say could reason with him. He also does bad behavior for attention so I dk if its intentional.
oh that sucks. I know a guy like that who got in trouble for being on the other end of contacting children online. Nothing happened because it was just innocent and he just found people "On his level", but that could also have gone wrong.
I'm dealing with this from my own spouse. Its heartbreaking but has to be addressed, in my case it looks like hospitalization.
Show the kid an episode or two of 'to catch a predator' and tell them these are the kinds of people on the other end (I've no idea if there's anything explicit in 'to catch a predator', I never watched it)
I have three forms of intervention available to me, I cannot bring a TV to her, i can't show her something on my phone.
A: Telling her parents
B: Telling the staff
C: Talking to her myself
Or some combination of these. If I want to show her something from the internet I need to be able to recite what she needs to do and she needs to be able to understand it. (She also does not speak English.)
C. It's crazy, because in a better world, you would definitely tell both the parents and the staff immediately, but she's already in a terrible situation where the staff is neglectful and would simply take her phone away and the parents can do nothing but tell the staff. You can tell the parents after you talked to her, if she doesn't seem to understand the danger.
You can talk to her and be very clear about the dangers and the type of information she should not share on the internet. If you search for parenting resources on online safety you will find many resources that can help you prepare such a conversation.
And depending on the type of relationship you have with her, you can also tell her that she can always come to you if she finds herself in an uncomfortable situation online. It’s important that she doesn’t regret admitting this to you and feels safe to ask for guidance.
You can also sporadically ask her what she’s doing online to check if she’s following your advice.
