45
traaaaaaannnnnnnnnnsI forgot that it's my mega week so no big info dump this time. Instead I bring a question: how do you practice gender self-care? Do you have any activities or rituals that make you feel more comfortable in your gender? Painting my nails and taking care of my hair are the most consistent ones. These shouldn't even be considered gendered activities by society, but I missed out on having long hair and painted nails when I was younger because of my assigned gender, so doing them now feels validating and gives me confidence.
Join our public Matrix server!
https://rentry.co/tracha#tracha-rooms
As a reminder, please do not discuss current struggle sessions in the mega. We want this to be a little oasis for all of us and the best way to do that is not to feed into existing conflict on the site.
Also, be sure to properly give content warnings and put sensitive subjects behind proper spoiler tags. It's for the mental health of not just your comrades, but yourself as well.
Here is a screenshot of where to find the spoiler button.
::: spoiler spoiler :::
I want to go on an adventure.
grok, update my pronouns
I've had two coworkers comment on my music at work:
Have you gone to a festival? You'd really like going to a festival (I would it's on my bucket list)
why are you listening to like changing room music
š What is this. Also tbf I do listen to stuff that's a lot, a lot softer then what I listen to at home. I just thought the contrast was funny.
Changing rooms have music?
Its been a really good two months
a second trans woman has been shocked at how "nice" my voice is
That's cause it is silly XP
One of the obvious eggs I watched stream a few times like last year apparently cracked at some point. Still have another who I've been waiting years for tho.
Sometimes you just can't help but set the egg timer.
Honestly, demanding of trans women to assume good faith from men instead of thinly veiled transmisogynist hatred is, in itself, a form of structural transmisogyny. To request that we remain civil and polite and keep smiling in a world that wants us dead is violence.
Absolutely fascinated by older people (like 90 or more) who are completely chill about me being trans.
And I'm like are you really this cool? Or is this just so beyond your comprehension that I'm just a tall dame with a deep voice.
"If she says she's a dame then she's a dame", ime. The kind of gender policing we tend to take for granted had very different contours mid-century and before when anyone in their 90s today would be making up their minds on this stuff. Also, you're past 90, who gives a shit about gender? The nice lady with a lovely deep voice and I had a delightful conversation.
It's only in the late 1960s and beyond that the contemporary gender policing apparatus we live with now. it begins to become legible. IIRC passports and driver's licenses didn't even have a field for gender until the early 70s.
People from the silent generation being more accepting of trans people than boomers seems to be quite common. It should really be studied.
OMG IM SO GAY AND HOMOSEXUAL LESBIAN GAY WOMEN I LOVE WOMEN GAY WOMEN
IS SHE GAY OR EUROPEAN?
(She's gay)
i've started to brush my hair with more uh intent. 10 strokes, then flip it all over my face dangling down and 20 strokes, then flip it to both sides of my face and brush it down. gets rid of all the loose hair and it honestly looks pretty good, have gotten compliments and it's the only thing i changed about my haircare.
done in the morning and before bed
I'm probably being dramatic but I think we should kill everyone who makes the "can't play games without a joystick" joke about trans women
You're not being dramatic, people who obsess over our genitals are a plague. Honestly doesn't matter which way, but after half of my friend group got bottom surgery and i've seen over and over again how many gatekeeping hoops we had to jump through, how much work friends of mine who went for vaginoplasty instead of an orchi still put into recovering, how much relief the entire thing brings them and how little cissies understand any of that, i have a particular soft spot for the girls who've gotten their soft spot. Not to discount the struggles of any woman with a dick, i'm one myself, i have to worry way too much about that, but i'll fight tooth and nail for my friends who fought for their right to have a pussy. It's just nobody's business what's in our pants. Even people who want to date us hands-down don't get to ask anything besides "do i have to keep bottom dysphoria in mind or not". That's literally all that matters when somebody wants to go down on a trans girl and if they wonder about anything else they do not deserve to breathe the same air as us.
i have a particular soft spot for the girls who've gotten their soft spot.
š„ āļø
Nah we agree we gotta kill ppl who say chaser ass shit like that, especially w the "noo dont get bottom surgery :(" undertone
I have a friend who has come out to me as trans several times but he insists on just ignoring it and not doing anything about it. Any time I discuss anything serious with him he tends to stop responding or change the subject. Iām not sure thereās anything I can do and it hurts.
Me for the past 6 years
What's the next step for you?
Decide what I actually want for my body and my gender identity, and face the consequences if my partner can't handle it. I guess.
(This will probably take another 6 years)
I was in a situation where I wasnāt transitioning āto spare my partnerā is what I would tell myself. Rapid fire 6 months of the most effective therapy Iāve ever participated in:
- I canāt control how people react to me
- Trying to please my partner all the time was denying them the chance to meet and know authentic parts of me
- Avoiding transition āfor their sakeā was denying them a chance to authentically react to my situation and process those feelings
- Acceptance that their reaction may go the other way is distinct from pessimism that their reaction would go poorly
And then in retrospect, despite some initial bumpiness and thanks to some consequent couples therapy, any initial negativity has been replaced by genuine acceptance and enthusiasm. And I found that despite that, I still had the hesitancy to put effort into my transition. The hesitancy I think for me comes from a place of internalized transphobia more than anything.
Iām not saying any of this is a one-to-one fit for you butās itās my experience and what you said reminded me of it.
They are accusing me of attenpting to copy them, and that I'm only feeling this way because of societal expectations for men, and I'm just running away
I also got the āsocietal expectations for menā thing from my partner for a while. That must be so invalidating to hear. Your partner is trans then if Iām understanding correctly?
It sounds like waiting 6 years has not been an effective strategy for you - maybe you should try making some small changes and see how you feel about them. A month of HRT, for example. Some makeup to make your face more masculine or feminine. New name and pronouns. Things of this nature.
Some of the most life changing advise I got was that the effects of estrogen are reversible for months, but youāll start to feel psychological effects within weeks. I felt them within days, easily. Like just the idea that HRT was something you could experiment with rather than something that had the finality of a definite decision.
That was an important part of it for me trying it out and I had similar experience with knowing it was for me way before any physical changes happened. Still knowing I would eventually take it to experiment was long separated from actually taking it because I was still worried about work and thought I'd save up for a couple more years just in case. Fortunately, some other stuff came up and I decided I'd be starting very soon.
I definitely understand why you'd repress, and it took me a solid year before getting on hrt because I'm a coward. But at the same time knowing how much worse things will get if you do is what broke me out of it and now I feel way better.
Definitely sucks to see someone do that, one of the most self destructive things you can do TBH
I'm proud of you for starting, by the way
Thank you It was really scary, still is, but its working out good right now. Couldn't have done it without all the support from people here. Thanks again PeanutButter :) really nice reminder.
That's how I was for about 2 years (and to some extent still have been for the last two years other than hrt). Not sure there would have been much anyone could do. The only times I would really do something remotely resembling doing something was events where costumes were a thing and I could get sometime nudging me along.
Forcefem/masc (as the case may be)
Would be forcefem lol. Just using he/him pronouns because those are currently his preferred and he hasnāt indicated whether he thinks heās a woman or nonbinary if heās thought about it at all.
Deadass I would tell her I'm going to pick a name for her if she doesn't do it herself.
I practice gender by going out with my tits out, proud and loud
tits out
With a bra right?
Usually I don't wear anything that's particularly revealing or tight. Yesterday, decided to try on a shirt my mom had gotten me a year ago (it was a little snug then) and it was really tight. Decided to just go out with that and no bra just to spite my mom since I knew she would be strongly against me wearing such. Was worried I'd be uncomfortable like that, but it wasn't bad.
"I'm Verdone with this shit, I'm going home"
- some guy from WW1, probably
Gave myself psychic damage introducing myself to a new intern at work. She gave her name and pronouns, I gave my stupid guy name and hesitated before just saying what my job is...
I like the name Ruby I think. Might try testing it out
Good news, at least, is if she gave her pronounds unprompted she's probably safe to come out to?
And those pronouns being she/they would support that concept
::: spoiler addiction, recovery (good news!) Its been two weeks today since I've been high, which I think is pretty good. I'm cutting back big time, because I was addicted. Like, it was a good week if there was more than one day where I wasn't high.
I ran out of weed last time I smoked anyway, and the barrier of having to text my dealer, pay for weed and collect it is enough to stop me from getting more. I've weaponised my executive dysfunction.
Last time I got high, it was also the first time in two weeks, and I had a better time than I had for months. I just stopped enjoying weed and started expecting it. Having it be an occasional way to chill is so much better than having it be a lifestyle :::
::: spoiler spoiler
I've weaponised my executive dysfunction.
It's a powerful weapon. Use it wisely 0_o
:::
I did briefly misread that as "I've weaponized my erectile dysfunction", which like, how?
Feels weird that our life is fairly precarious on one hand, but also like the best its been ever, or at least in like, 10-15 years. We have v cool new friends and sisters, new hobbies, more passion for life than ever and were starting to not hate our body too. Awawawa
::: spoiler dating What's t4t like in your 30s? I'm in the back half of my 20s and I don't click with trans people in their early 20s. Is there less poly people in that age range? :::
Highly dependent on your local scene. In my area the young t4t scene is incredibly poly and gets less so as you go up in age
I just stick to people close to my age and we click ok
Just rotating through the grab bag of activities people have already said: hair, nails, skincare, trying to get better at makeup. I have a routine where Iāll try some shit before taking a bath, shaving, and moisturizing. Itās a really all-in-one girl vibe
More expensive but one Iāve fallen in love with recently is tattoos. Lesbians love tattoos and itās delightfully affirming to get cute gay art on my skin
::: spoiler genitals Cis people have no curiosity whatsoever. A friend I've known for decades didn't know that estrogen makes your balls shrink and erections difficult to maintain. One of your oldest friends has been on HRT for 18 months and you never looked up its effects? My friend is lovely but that lack of curiosity boggles my mind. :::
::: spoiler spoiler They absolutely are pretty incurious, but do you really want your friends to be thinking about your genitals? :::
::: spoiler spoiler I don't care at all, tbh. I'm very open and poly and would make out with a good chunk of my friends if they were into it. :::
::: spoiler Tap for spoiler Can't say I've never thought about theirs. I'd gladly answer any personal questions if they had any and have joked about some of the effects. :::
::: spoiler spoiler Yea tbh it made me feel a little uncomfy when one of my friends knew a lot about the effects of E, like idk you don't need to know all that. :::
::: spoiler sex This girl really wants to hookup, and I do too it's really exciting. She seems really great. But I am also still super nervous about it, never done anything before. Worried about feeling dysphoric or something, and expectations, and idk it's a lot. Like I obviously don't like my body, and am very unsure of what would actually be okay in real life because I haven't done it before. I think it'd be fun but I'm still really worried.
Idk if anyone has advice or anything :cheems: :::
::: spoiler sex If something feels good, bad, or uncomfortable then say so. Communication is so important. Consent can always be revoked without the need to explain and it happens more commonly than you might think, so don't feel pressure to keep going just because you've already had to stop a few times or because you don't feel like you have a good enough reason. It's normal to ask about sti risks like how long ago was her last test panel and how many partners she's been with since.
Have fun! :::
::: spoiler spoiler Are they cis or trans? Because if they're trans I'm sure they'll understand. If they're cis, you probably need to gently prime them that you like them, but you've got a lot of you stuff, so if you get weird that's you, not them. :::
::: spoiler spoiler Trans, which yea definitely relieves a lot of it. idk maybe I am over thinking it. :::
You are, have fun!
Thank you, I'm sure we will. I still have some logistics to work out but it would be so good
down with cis
::: spoiler spoiler happy pride ya'll! hitting 3 years next week. :::
@RION@hexbear.net girl for real you need a doctor.
seconding this pls see an actual healthcare pro what you are describing certainly does not fall under "diet issues"
I'm definitely gonna upgrade to a stool softener to get things under control first. If it keeps coming back I'll see a doctor I promise
SEE A DOCTOR NOW
I hope everyone had a wonderful first week of pride
Might finally get the chance to take mushies in a few weeks. Wanted to really bad for years now. In a good head space lately too.
It's really amazing!! Have a good time!
hope you have fun! šø
Thanks! I'm looking forward to it so much. Just hoping it works out.
i am generally pretty tomboy/butch coded but i have gotten back into shaving my whole body lately. feels amazing. also hair care is very important to me though i still feel like it's an area i can make a bunch of progress in. got a dykey wolfy bob cut lately after having long hair for ages and I've been experimenting with some new curl products (i have a light wave like 2-3c). also got my brows done for the first time in a while, i am good at doing them myself but it's a nice treat. next on my list is booking electrolysis cause I've plateaued a while back with laser progress. daunted by going no shave for 3-5 days beforehand though. love my trans comrades!
It's basic, but doing makeup and shaving my legs both make me feel more comfortable with my gender.
Also laser!
You, reading this, who wants laser hair removal but hasn't started yet. You will schedule your first appointment
We will the moment we get a source of income again at the latest!
I can't because of my hair color
Here's hoping for electro. But yes in the mean time, shaving and moisturizing do a lot of good!
Facial hair does get more tolerable if you consistently get a nice clean shave.
You will schedule electrolysis.
Once I have income or insurance that will cover it I will. Actually depending on how long the wait list is to get in with a good place I might just schedule it now.
I don't think the wait lists are that long, but your mileage may vary.
I still gotta drive :/ then I will!
Up with trans!
God I just hate work lately. Fuck this place.
If you hadn't posted by tonight I was going to make an Antipope megathread.
Mina the Hollower is so good. Iām obsessed. I havenāt played a game this engrossing in a long time.
